Dear Coleen: I was so excited to be a dad until my partner made shock confession

Dear Coleen

My girlfriend and I have been together for two years and we’re having a baby in September.

It should be the happiest time of our lives, but she recently revealed she slept with another guy when we first got together.

A few months after we met and when the relationship was still new and getting off the ground, she went on holiday with her mates and had some kind of holiday fling with a guy she met out there.

We’d never discussed being exclusive, but I just assumed that we wouldn’t sleep with other people.

She admitted she slept with this guy on more than one ­occasion but has tried to play it down, saying it meant nothing and she didn’t know where our relationship was going.

But I feel floored that she kept this a secret from me all this time and don’t understand why she’s telling me now.

I don’t know how to move on from this and enjoy becoming a parent when I feel so angry about what happened.

She’s ruined everything.

She thinks I’m overreacting and now seems angry with me!

Why can’t she understand why I feel hurt and betrayed?

Coleen says

I think she’s telling you now because you are about to be parents and she’s probably been struggling with guilt over this fling for some time. I’m not making excuses for her, but perhaps you had a different idea about the relationship when you first got together. However, she quickly realised she’d made a huge mistake and that she wanted to be with you.

And maybe she didn’t tell you back then because she was worried you’d dump her before giving the relationship a proper chance. And now you’re still together and expecting a baby.

I don’t think this holiday fling did mean anything to her, but you obviously do. Potentially, you have great times ahead of you so, if you can, try to focus on the future and not what happened when you first started seeing each other. Your relationship has moved on, you’re in love and planning a future, and have a much more meaningful connection.

Going forward, the important thing is to agree to be completely truthful with each other because trust is crucial for the success and longevity of any ­relationship.

But I appreciate you feel hurt and lied to, so it might be a good idea to try couple’s counselling to work through what happened and get your feelings across with the support of a therapist.

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