Dear Coleen: 'Would it be odd to ask classmate out for a coffee?'

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my 30s and haven’t had much luck in ­relationships. I always seem to choose the wrong guys, so I don’t really trust my radar. But I’ve been going to an Italian language class once a week since last September and there’s a guy there I really like.

He’s not my usual type at all– he’s quite quiet and, although he’s friendly and will chat if I talk to him, he’s never shown any signs he finds me attractive.

However, I’m starting to think about him all the time and ­literally count down the days until the class comes around again. I’m sure this isn’t healthy! Also, I have no idea if he’s married or dating someone.

He doesn’t wear a wedding ring, but he has mentioned he has a teenage daughter.

I’m so bad at all this and really need some guidance.

Would it be weird to ask him if he fancies a coffee after class one day or will he think that I’m nuts?

I don’t really trust my ­judgment when it comes to things like this after getting it so wrong in the past.

I just know that I really like him and would love to get to know him better.

Coleen says

Here’s what I think, you need to get to know him more on a friend level, so you can find out more about him and what his circumstances are before diving in to ask him out.

You could even suggest the whole class meet for a coffee or a drink and that’s an opportunity to ask him questions – such as why he’s learning Italian and about his daughter. He might say he’s married or separated, and by the end of the conversation you’ll be able to judge things better. When I meet people I know their whole life story by the time I’ve left!

And if you find out he is single, that’s your chance to say, casually: “Ah, we should grab a coffee one day.” Also, don’t get hung up on having bad ­judgment – if your radar is off, it’s not the end of the world. Move on. But if you want to be confident, then ask those ­questions first.

And if you do start to build up a friendly rapport, it might be him that says: “Do you fancy grabbing a drink?”

Dating isn’t easy, especially if you’ve been burned in the past, but what I learned from being on a dating app was to move on quickly if it was obvious someone wasn’t the right fit and not to take things personally.

Good luck.

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