Dear Coleen: I can’t help feeling hurt that it’s always me organising get-togethers with friends

Worried young indian Arabic woman sit on couch at home look in distance thinking pondering, anxious unhappy arab mixed race female suffer from mental psychological personal problems, mourn or yearn
The woman asks if she's overreacting. -Credit:Getty Images/iStockphoto

Dear Coleen

I have a couple of good friends I’ve known since we were all at university together.

We stayed close after uni and even lived together for a year, but then went our separate ways – I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband), one friend has a big job that takes up all her time, and the other was married, but is now going through a break up.

Over the years, I’ve been the one to organise get-togethers two or three times a year – weekend trips, nights out and so on. They’ve never organised anything but I was happy to do it because I had the time and wanted to see them.

However, it struck me that they never text or call unless they’re replying to me!

I decided not to organise anything for this year to see what would happen and neither of them has been in touch.

I can’t help feeling hurt that it’s always me doing the running and wonder if I should just let these friendships go.

I have local friends and mates I’ve made through my job, so it’s not like I really rely on them, but I do value their friendship and no one knows me better than they do.

Am I overreacting?

Coleen says

I DON’T think you’re overreacting. It is hurtful if a friendship feels one-sided but some friendships do peter out and come to a natural end. That’s life, I’m afraid.

Maybe you’ve outgrown them a bit or you’ve outgrown each other, and it sounds like your lives have gone in different directions too.

Maybe stop being the one to organise everything and just now and again, if you want to keep in touch, send a text, asking how they are.

And try not to take it ­personally – one is breaking up with her husband and the other is married to her job.

Divorce is hard and you do become a bit selfish and caught up in what’s happening.

This friend might simply not want to be around any happily married women right now!

I’ve had great friendships in the past that just ended out of the blue, but you can’t keep on chasing them.

But if these women truly want to be in your life, then they will realise you have not been in touch and will reach out and contact you.

Me and my best friend Carol hardly ever see each other, but she’s a very special person in my life and when we do get together it feels like we’ve never been apart.

You don’t have to live in each other’s pockets to maintain the bond.

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