Dear Coleen: I’ve been on my own for two years - and my best friend told me he loved me

Sad and lonely girl in bedroom.
Sad and lonely girl in bedroom. -Credit:Getty Images

Dear Coleen

I'm a woman in my 30s with one daughter and I’ve been on my own for two years since splitting with my fiance.

I worked at that relationship for a long time for the sake of our daughter, but I’m glad we’re no longer together, even though it feels hard sometimes.

I do get lonely but I have a male best friend who is wonderful to me and my daughter. We’ve known each other since we were teenagers and had a brief flirtation years ago, but I’ve never thought of him as boyfriend material.

He’s very handsome and loads of fun – my daughter loves him – but he’s a bit of a drifter in that he never sticks at a job for very long and always has some “scheme” going on.

To cut to the chase, he admitted he’s in love with me and thinks he probably has been for years, but doesn’t think he can offer me much, so has never been brave enough to say anything. I think the only reason he said something recently was because we’d both had a couple of glasses of wine and were reminiscing about the past.

He’s the person I spend most time with and I’d be lost without him, but I don’t know if a relationship would work. I do love him, but I don’t think I’m in love with him, but who knows?

I haven’t been able to stop thinking about his confession since and whether we could have a romantic relationship. My brain is fried! Please advise.

Coleen says

I WOULDN’T upset the apple cart. It feels as if you’re almost forcing yourself to like the idea of a romantic relationship.

He does sound like a brilliant friend and, yes, in an ideal world (or a romcom), you’d fall madly in love. It might feel like the answer because it’s easy and you’re so comfortable with each other, but if the chemistry isn’t there, you can’t magic it up.

I know being logical about these things is easier said than done when you’re feeling lonely, but it’s not a good idea to settle.

It sounds like you might be in panic mode, thinking, “What if I never meet someone”, but that’s not the right reason to get into a relationship with your friend.

And what if you did get into one with him and then met someone you do have that spark with? You’d probably lose your friend from your life.

So, I think unless you get to a point where you really know, I’d keep things as they are.

Maybe down the line, you’ll have a lightbulb moment and you’ll be the star of your own romcom, but while you’re unsure don’t force it.

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