Dear Richard Madeley: my friend made a drunken pass at my wife – should I confront him?
Dear Richard
My wife has just told me that during a big and fairly well-lubricated birthday dinner a few weeks ago, an old friend of mine made a pass at her. This was in a kind of corridor outside the dining area; his girlfriend and I were both at the table.
I have always been fond of this guy but he’s quite a chaotic person. The idea that he’s playing fast and loose with his lovely, patient girlfriend is almost harder to bear than his behaviour towards my wife (which she had the good sense to laugh off) or his implicit disrespect towards me.
The official line we’re taking is that it never happened. (Neither of us has heard a peep from him.) But it’s unsettled me. The little demon on my shoulder saying that my wife was being a bit twinklier with him than she might have been (or that I was being more attentive to his girlfriend than I might have been), I can deal with. But should I take him to task?
— Paul, Oxford
Dear Paul
Honestly? I think you’re in danger of overstating what happened. You’d all had a lot to drink; you think your wife was being ‘twinkly’ with him and that you might have been over-attentive to his girlfriend. That all sounds like near-perfect conditions for a ‘party moment’.
The silly man made a silly pass and got a prompt brush-off. It wasn’t his finest hour, but ‘playing fast and loose’? Come on. He was just behaving like a jerk. Your wife obviously thinks it’s pretty funny (as well as being somewhat flattered) and you should be reassured, not threatened, that she was happy to tell you all about it.
I suspect he hasn’t said anything either because he’s forgotten about it or he’s embarrassed. It’s up to you whether you raise it with him but I wouldn’t. Just keep a watching brief next time you’re all together. And if he tries anything on with your wife again – well, I know what I’d do. I couldn’t possibly put it in writing here. But you can probably guess.