How I Feel About Queen Elizabeth's Death as a Black Briton and the Child of Caribbean Immigrants

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Let me start by saying this: I'm not a monarchist. I'm not an anti-royalist either. I believe in democracy and that all people are created equal. I know that Africa was plundered of a significant portion of its wealth and resources by numerous European empires — including the British one.

There is a reason why nations great and small — from India to the West Indies — fought for independence from British imperial and colonial rule in the 20th century. Who wants to be treated like a second-class citizen in their own country?

Ireland was divided. Its land ravaged; its people starved. Beautiful and majestic in period dramas, British colonialism was ugly for millions of Black, brown and working-class white people who faced poverty and prejudice.

Yet, as a Black British American of Afro-Caribbean descent, I'm still saddened by Queen Elizabeth's death. I can experience those two feelings at once.

The Queen has been a constant in my life, even before I was born. My mother was among a group of schoolchildren who danced for her when she visited Trinidad and Tobago in 1966, four years after the nation gained independence from the U.K.

I was a teen when my granddad's first cousin attended one of the Queen's garden parties at Buckingham Palace. There was always some friend or family member who demanded that we stop to watch the Queen's speech on TV at 3 p.m. every Christmas. It was traditional. (And, as day would follow night, almost every year, stuffed with turkey and roast potatoes, I'd doze off shortly after she'd say, "My family and I…")

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(It's also hard to ignore someone whose face is on the front of postage stamps and the money that you spend.)

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Jane Barlow - WPA Pool/Getty Queen Elizabeth and British prime minister, Liz Truss, two days before she died.

The popularity of Netflix's The Crown is proof that millions of people who are not royal fans are fascinated by that family. Even before Queen Elizabeth's death at 96 on Thursday, her children and grandchildren dominated news headlines around the world.

But what I find remarkable about the Queen — her life and her reign — was her devotion to service. Strip away the ills of colonialism, the pomp and ceremony of royalty. This woman's life was irreparably changed when she was just 10. Whether or not we believe in monarchy, she believed her future was set in stone from that age onwards.

Born in 1926 to Albert and Elizabeth, the then-Duke and Duchess of York, she was always going to live a life of wealth and privilege. She'd be expected to marry well, but she could enjoy the spoils of her class and station with not many official demands made of her.

Then, as we know, in 1936 her uncle, King Edward VIII abdicated, less than a year into his reign, to marry Wallis Simpson, an American divorcee. Princess Elizabeth's father became King George VI and, as his eldest child, she was first in line to throne.

By now, we've all heard that oft-repeated quote from the speech she gave to members of the British Empire and Commonwealth in 1947 to mark her 21st birthday. She said, "I declare before you all that my whole life, whether it be long or short, shall be devoted to your service and the service of our imperial family to which we all belong."

Corbis via Getty Queen Elizabeth (pictured here with Prince Philip) was already a wife and mother to King Charles and Princess Anne before she ascended to the throne.

She barely had to time to enjoy her life as a young wife and mother before her father died in 1952 and she became Queen. She was 25.

I know there are millions of people around the world who would have happily traded places with her — to live in opulent palaces, the recipient of inherited wealth, with servants to attend to her every need. Who wouldn't want that? In a word, me.

Yes, the life of a royal is glamorous. But there are many not-so-fun things that the monarch must do. Going to open a library or a far-flung community center or a random school when it's cold or windy or rainy is not the most stimulating daily activity. To wake up every morning and have your calendar already laid out before you to do the most tedious things.

Britain had 15 prime ministers during Queen Elizabeth's 70-year reign, from Winston Churchill to Liz Truss. During that time, she had to have weekly meetings with some men and women who I wouldn't want to spend five minutes with, let alone give them counsel, knowing that she had no real power and they could leave her presence and do whatever they wanted (parliament allowing).

She couldn't give a political opinion. She couldn't vote. She didn't have a voice in that sense. She rarely, if ever, betrayed her personal opinions. The Queen just did her duty.

She had to entertain some controversial world leaders — even some of whom had insulted the royals in the past. Yes, she had genuine warm relationships with people like the late Nelson Mandela and former President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle. But think of all the boring state dinners, tea parties and receptions that she had to attend.

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I suffer from depression. Some days just getting up, showering, making myself look half decent and completing a workday is a gargantuan task. I can make small talk and schmooze with the best of them, but I'd find it excruciating to have to do it for most of my life, not through choice but because it's a duty thrust upon me.

Taylor Hill/WireImage, Hulton-Deutsch/Hulton-Deutsch Collection/Corbis via Getty Like the queen's uncle, King Edward VIII, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have walked away from royal life.

In a candid 2017 interview with Newsweek, Prince Harry said, "Is there any one of the royal family who wants to be king or queen? I don't think so, but we will carry out our duties at the right time." Remember when he told Oprah Winfrey in the 2021 CBS special that as a working royal he was "trapped," insisting that his father, now King Charles, and brother, Prince William, are trapped too? "They don't get to leave, and I have huge compassion for that," he said.

There is something beautiful about having the freedom to choose to live your life exactly as you see fit. To follow your heart.

King Edward VIII did it. He walked away from the crown. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex — facing immense backlash in the British press — have done it, pursuing their own happiness and peace of mind in California. Princess Margaret partied hard, rubbed shoulders with celebs like Mick Jagger, smoked, drank and vacationed on the Caribbean island of Mustique in between her royal duties.

Keystone/Getty As a princess, Queen Elizabeth joined the British Army to support the war effort at home.

Queen Elizabeth didn't. She stayed. From joining the Auxiliary Territorial Service (the women's branch of the British Army) in 1944 to support the World War II effort when she was a princess through her decades of charitable work, she did her duty. If most of us live to the age of 96, we would hope to (if we can afford it), spend the preceding 25 to 30 years retired. She didn't.

No, her job wasn't physically demanding. It didn't pay pennies. She didn't face homelessness or hunger. I don't mourn the Queen of England because she's royalty. And neither do I long for the British Empire (eye roll).

Ben Trivett PEOPLE News Director, Marissa Charles, is a British American of Afro Caribbean decent.

But I do marvel at a woman (born in the 20th century, no less) who devoted her life to serving her country in that way, not because she wanted to but because she felt it was her God-given duty, and she had no choice. I'm sure that many of us — despite all the wealth in the world — would not do the same.