The Fiver | Careless semaphore and the will of Zlatan Ibrahimovic

I AM A LION, HEAR ME ROAR

Considering his steadfast refusal to accept that Manchester United’s 17-match unbeaten streak had actually been ended by a defeat at the hands of a Hull City that had (or hadn’t, depending on your point of view) put a stop to it with the help of a controversial penalty, José Mourinho’s blithe acceptance of the considerably more ridiculous officiating that helped his team to win the Milk Cup final on Sunday seemed a mite hypocritical even by his own fabled double standards.

Still, being fair to the Manchester United manager, he was as uncharacteristically magnanimous in victory as he’d looked glum throughout a final in which his team were comprehensively outplayed by Plucky Southampton but still managed to win by dint of some careless semaphore from a linesman and the sheer force of will of one man: Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

Win, lose or draw, the presence of a fit Wayne Rooney on the United bench as an unused substitute for the duration of a major final would have been the only story in town just a few months ago, but the sterling contributions of a free transfer four years his senior have helped Mourinho as he gradually phases the one-time club totem Back To The Future-style out of their team picture. So much so, indeed, that few with even a passing interest in football actually expect said one-time club totem to feature in next season’s official Manchester United squad snap.

“I am an animal, I feel like a lion,” zinged Zlatan with characteristic understatement, after singlehandedly dragging a largely misfiring United to victory at Wembley. “I don’t want to be a lion, I am a lion. I feel in good shape. I train hard. I have an objective every season I go into and to reach that objective I need to train and I need to suffer when I train; that is how I achieve what I achieve. I’m from the old school where they work hard and get what they get from doing the hard work, not like the new school where it is easy to get what you want.” Wise words, loudly roared and they should be an example to us all. That said, while The Fiver is unfamiliar with the location of this new school Zlatan speaks of, we would very much like to enrol.

LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE

Join Daniel Harris from 8pm GMT for hot MBM coverage of Leicester City 2-1 Liverpool.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“This is seriously [effed] up. The goal-line technology made the difference and things could have been different if it had not. He went only by his watch. If that had not happened, I think he would have said no goal … I did everything I could to prevent the ball crossing the line. According to the system, it was one millimetre over the line” – PSV keeper Jeroen Zoet appears to apportion blame for conceding a goal that torpedoed his club’s title hopes, not to himself for pulling the ball backwards into his chest and over the line to concede a shambolic own goal, but to the cold, calculated and completely correct decision of Hawk-Eye.

FIVER LETTERS

“Am I the only one waiting for someone in a dinner jacket from Manchester United to come forward with a new envelope saying that there has been a mistake and Southampton actually won the Milk Cup?” – Noble Francis.

“All of this outcry surrounding the sacking of Claudio Ranieri is silly, and the Leicester assistant manager has a point. I agree with Mr Shakespeare that the betrayal is much ado about nothing” – Paul Fowler.

“In last Thursday’s Fiver, you stated that Wayne Rooney’s manager Paul Stretford had been to China and the USA! USA!! USA!!! to try and find him alternative employment. Did he know that Sutton United had a vacancy for a pie-eating, bench-warming Wayne position a lot closer to home?” – Raymond Reardon.

“Nice to see plagiarism is not dead in the Fiver letters section. Well done Steve Pharaoh (Friday’s Fiver letters)” – The Unknown Stuntman.

• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Noble Francis.

SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN

Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism – the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us by making a one-off or recurring contribution.

And we’ve now got tickets available for an evening with Ray Parlour and Andrew Cole on 13 March. Get them here.

RECOMMENDED VIEWING

America’s football migrants: the US players crossing Mexico’s border.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Everton legend Alex Young, who won two league titles with the club in the 1960s and was known as the ‘Golden Vision’, has died aged 80.

Vandals unleashed their inner Banksy all over the side of Crystal Palace’s team bus and could have been under the mistaken belief it was to be used by Middlesbrough. Which would have made it OK, obviously. “£40,000 worth of damage on our coach thinking it was the Boro coach. Nice one,” vented Palace groundsman Dean Waters, in the fresh and funky style.

Leicester City hope to twist Guus Hiddink’s arm severely enough that he agrees to work his cuddly magic on a bunch of hopeless Premier League champions for the second season in succession.

Aston Villa owner Dr Tony may need to neck a few of his own health products after digesting news that the club have posted losses of £81m in the past financial year.

Jordan Henderson has picked up a nasty bout of foot-knack and will miss Liverpool’s 2-1 defeat by Leicester – and may even struggle to be back in time for their thrilling 3-2 win over Arsenal this weekend.

Arsenal academy manager Andries Jonker is doing one to take over as Wolfsburg boss and taking Freddie Ljungberg as his No2. “The enquiry did come as a bit of a surprise,” he tooted.

And Yakubu is waiting to discover if the hamstring-twang that brought him to a standstill during Coventry’s 3-1 defeat by Swindon – and was subsequently riffed on via social media aberration Twitter – has ruled him out for the season.

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

AC Jimbo and co are on hand with your latest dose of Football Weekly.

STILL WANT MORE?

Lazy journalism ahoy! Eight talking points from the Premier League and Rumbelows Cup this weekend.

Weak-kneed Fiver readers, ah … let’s start that again. Fiver readers might want to be wary of reading about Hamburg’s horrific evisceration in Bayern’s house of horrors, as told by Andy Brassell.

Roma’s Radja Nainggolan is smoking, cheers Paolo Bandini.

After getting one over Betis, could Sevilla actually win a first league title since 1946? Why not, writes Sid Lowe.

Harry Kane already has the letters L-E-G-E-N-D being attached to him by some at Spurs, writes Sachin Nakrani, and with good reason.

Manolo Gabbiadini deserved more for his sizzling Saints showing at Wembley, reckons David Hytner.

Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!

A GOOD RUN