Yahoo News Former Miss America Runner-Up Cullen Johnson Hill Gets Candid About Her Alcoholism: 'This Is What Addiction Looks Like'
“For whatever reason, the devil keeps taking me back to drinking, and it's not worth it,” said Cullen Johnson Hill — who placed second in Miss America 1995
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Cullen Johnson Hill in 1995 Miss America pageant before her addiction took hold.A former runner-up for Miss America is getting candid about her addiction and how alcoholism landed her in jail twice.
Last week, Cullen Johnson Hill — who placed second in the Miss America 1995 pageant behind Heather Whitestone — posted an emotional video on TikTok sharing her longtime struggle with fans while vowing to turn her life around.
“This is what addiction looks like,” the 53-year-old said before tearfully showing off old photos from her pageant days before her struggle with alcoholism began. "I am an alcoholic, and I've been struggling with this since I was 24. And I just got out of 30 days in jail.”
“I’m okay. Well, I’m not okay but figuratively. But I just wanted to give a message to all of you to let you know that there's hope," Hill continued. "I'm going to be OK. I have a wonderful son and a husband who loves me very much. But I just want to say, please, if you are relapsing, stop. I had four and a half years sober. I know what sobriety is like — and it's wonderful."
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Hill, who was crowned Miss Virginia in 1994, said she initially started her journey 12 years ago, giving up alcohol alongside her husband. However, she relapsed while he maintained his sobriety.
"By the grace of God, I'm lucky that he has stayed with me," she said. "But for whatever reason, the devil keeps taking me back to drinking, and it's not worth it. So, I am done. One day at a time. I’ve gotten sober through AA before and I’m gonna do it again, but just don’t do it. It’s easier to stay stopped than it is to stop.”
Hill then told her followers that she’s going to hold herself accountable and publicly share her experience restarting her sobriety journey.
"I've just come from jail, serving my time that I owed from my second DUI, and this will be my journey," she said. "So please stay tuned. I’m gonna be held accountable.
“I'm so much better when I'm sober. You're like, ‘Yeah, no kidding, because you look like crap,'" Hill quipped. “But I’vewlost so many friends to this disease and it’s not worth it. And jail sucks.”
“It’ll get better, I promise,” she added.
Related: Gina Kirschenheiter Reveals Why She Stopped Drinking Alcohol: 'It Was in Control of Me' (Exclusive)
In the comments section, Hill further explained that addiction was something her mother dealt with, praising one of her followers who went through a similar experience but “broke the cycle.”
“Good for you. I remember coming home from school while my Dad was out on deployment and seeing my mom passed out on the rug, and not being able to wake her up and wondering if she was dead,” she wrote. “It scared me to death as a child.”
In another video, Hill shared that she hasn’t had a drink since June but shared the video after recently having a low moment and a “spiritual awakening” that pushed her to get back on her feet.
“I’m a fighter but I can’t fight alcohol. That’s the one thing that has kicked my ass all over,” she said. “I’m strong as hell but that’s the one thing…I can’t do it. I’m not scared of anything but that’s the one thing I cannot face.”
Hill explained that by sharing her story on social media, she’s found relief and her “life’s purpose,” making it easier to approach sobriety this time around.
“It’s divine intervention, I suppose. But whatever it is, it’s better than drinking because I've never felt better and I’m so elated to talk to all of you,” she told her followers. “You’ve given me purpose and I can't thank you enough.”
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