The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Feb. 25-Mar. 3)
Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
I have one intelligent child who is designing a parachute and, putting this as politely as I can, I have another child willing to try the parachute.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 25, 2023
My 5y told me he needs 21,000 seconds of alone time, and honestly, same
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 2, 2023
*marathon runners passing our car*
Me: cheer them on guys!
My kids:
*3 hours later in the Home Depot parking lot as shoppers pass*
My 8yo: *rolls down window and threateningly yells* YOU BETTER KEEP RUNNING!— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 2, 2023
When you’re breastfeeding but you forgot your phone and the remote is out of reach, that’s the closest you will ever get to being a Pilgrim lady.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) March 2, 2023
When I was a kid I couldn’t wait to be the one in charge of dinner every night. Idiot.
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 2, 2023
My kids know that I’m asthmatic and very allergic to cats.
Older daughter: “I don’t like cats because mommy’s allergic to them.”
Younger daughter: “When mommy dies, I’m getting a cat!”— Meena Harris (@meena) March 2, 2023
I tell myself cambridge isn't that bad and then three kids in my son's class dress up for world book day as characters out of their parents books
— Emma Szewczak (@EmmaSzewczak) March 2, 2023
My daughter laughed at my new Birkenstocks but if it hadn’t been for my Birks and hemp anklet catching her mom’s eye in 1996, she may not even exist.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 2, 2023
My 9 y/o told me he sat alone at lunch yesterday. When I asked why, he said…“Bc Melinda likes to mix her applesauce w/ ketchup and eat it…It’s gross, and I’m done dealin with that...She can just be nasty by herself.”
Fair enough. No notes.— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) March 2, 2023
If by crossfit, you mean vacuuming the house while holding a toddler that doesn’t want to be held but also doesn’t want to be set down then yes, I do crossfit.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) March 2, 2023
"Next time can you make something I like?"
*my kid leaving a review about his school lunch— Jacana Mommy (@jacanamommy) March 2, 2023
Not telling my kids there is a snow day tomorrow, instead I'm going to wake them up at 6am and make them watch a Google slide deck with a slow crawl of Rhode Island town names in alphabetical order and cut to a commercial right before it gets to the Ns
— Alana DiMario (@AlanaDimario) February 28, 2023
Me to my kids: it’s important to be flexible and embrace new experiences
Also me, when the deli next to my job gets new coffee cups: MY DAY IS RUINED— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 28, 2023
If you didn’t enjoy doing homework the first time you may not want to have kids
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 2, 2023
Kid left this under my door last night. Now she is still asleep while I am awake and hungry. What should I do? pic.twitter.com/hAwhBMJaLI
— Sirry Alang, PhD (she/her) (@ProfAlang) February 26, 2023
last night 8 and 9 rated my dinner a 9. i felt great until i realized the scale they were using was 1 through 2,000. that's a bullshit range.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 2, 2023
5yo: when I grow up I’m gonna pick such a good grandma for my kids
Me: it’ll be me
5yo: eh, probably not— Emily Adrian (@adremily) March 2, 2023
my six year old is at the best age because she still thinks im coolest how do i make sure that never ends??
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 28, 2023
Love is patient. Love is kind. Until you’re racing through the airport with a toddler losing their mind.
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 3, 2023
The school nurse sent an email about lice in my kid’s class so I replied with subject line “unsubscribe”
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 1, 2023
My 6 yo just walked in my closet and said she’s going to “dress like an old lady” then came out wearing clothes I wear currently…like pretty much every day.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) March 1, 2023
My daughter says I drive more cautiously when there’s pizza in the car.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 28, 2023
Nothing funnier to me than parents who insist the reason their kid is a good sleeper is bc they put them down “drowsy but awake” and wonder why other parents don’t use this foolproof method.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) February 27, 2023
My kid told me one of his teachers was born in 2000 and why would he say something so hurtful
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 25, 2023
5 and I were driving back from the store when we saw a runner jogging on the spot waiting for the light to change so he could cross. From the back seat 5 said, “I think he really needs to pee.”
— Mummy Dear (@ThatMummyLife) February 25, 2023