The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Oct. 22-28)
Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
My son called the butter shelf in the fridge the dairy penthouse and there is no other name for it now.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 25, 2022
My 8-year-old got really mad that I made a mess in her house on Minecraft and all I can say is that revenge is sweet.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 27, 2022
Always nice to see my son’s apple return home from it’s daily school outing
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) October 26, 2022
Child: I learned a joke at school.
Me: Ok let’s hear it.
Child: What goes in stiff but comes out soft?
Me:
Child:
Me:
Child:
Me: Is it a-
Wife [running in from other room]: SPAGHETTI IT’S SPAGHETTI— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 25, 2022
Parental PSA: 6 days left until Halloween.
(Translation: 5 days until your child decides she hates the costume she picked a month ago & wants that a different one. No, not the one in stock- THAT OTHER ONE.)— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 26, 2022
Oregon Trail but it's just my kids packing all their worldly possessions for a 10 minute car ride across town
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 22, 2022
Imagine you own a restaurant. A customer orders a meal and tells you it’s disgusting. They say this is the worst restaurant they’ve ever been to and you’re the worst chef in the world. This is what it’s like cooking for kids.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) October 26, 2022
my kid’s school now sends texts to tell you about the emails they’re sending you and my eye just twitched a few more times
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) October 24, 2022
My family needs therapy after a very traumatic 2nd grade math assignment.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 27, 2022
"Oh, I do like Chinese food!"
-My 6yo, eating chicken fingers & fries from The Imperial Bamboo kid's menu— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 27, 2022
This year for Halloween decorations I’m just using printouts of the school emails
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 26, 2022
Heard a rival dad is planning to hand out king size candy bars for Halloween so now every trick or treater that comes to my house is getting a full rack of ribs.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 26, 2022
Me before and after kids pic.twitter.com/7hzursd6ep
— 👻Mummy Fearest👻 (@mommeh_dearest) October 27, 2022
I used to think it was weird my mom never came with us on family camping trips but just now my husband introduced me to the portable shower bag he bought for our trip so anyways cool story I have the house to myself next weekend.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 18, 2022
My 1.5yo had a meltdown because I wouldn't let him sleep with a large spinach leaf. In case you wondered what having kids might be like.
— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) October 26, 2022
I got my kids T-shirts that say “I help my dad save the planet”, and when people ask how, they can tell them by shutting the fucking lights off on our house.
— devon sawa (@DevonESawa) October 27, 2022
My 4yo keeps calling me ‘young man’ and I corrected him by saying, ‘I’m not a young man, I’m an old woman.’ I feel like he set me up.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) October 28, 2022
My kid just showed me that you can sharpen a bamboo chopstick in a pencil sharpener like okay let's not make homemade shanks, kiddo
— Martha Dumptruck but Spooky 👻 (@sa1martha) October 22, 2022
I love parenting because I hate sleep and a clean house
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 22, 2022
Parenting is a delicate balancing act where you need to teach your kids numbers but not well enough that they’re able to tell the time when you send them to bed early
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) October 25, 2022
“I don’t know why the cat doesn’t like you as much as your brother,” I say as my daughter struggles to wrangle the cat into an old Build-a-Bear outfit.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 26, 2022
[at Halloween store]
Me: Store security just stopped me.
Wife: WHY?
Me: They thought I was stealing a Sexy Dad costume.
Wife: [leaves]— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 27, 2022
Husband was playing Vampire Hunters with the kids. The house got dark and the kids got scared. They asked me to tell Dad to come out. This was his answer.
Apparently I actually have 3 children. pic.twitter.com/pOMPLyaJ7y— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) October 25, 2022
I was laying in my 13yo’s bed with her and it was such a sweet moment when she snuggled up close and proceeded to point out every slight imperfection on my face.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 26, 2022
You have 2 post-graduate degrees, she reassured herself, losing another argument to her kid over how to spell Thursday.
— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) October 27, 2022
This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.