The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Oct. 28-Nov. 3)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humor lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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I answered all my emails and then they in turn were answered and now here we are again having to answer emails. The horrors persist
— danielle weisberg for hire (@danielleweisber) October 30, 2023
When I say I got that dog in me this is what I mean pic.twitter.com/5SESaZWxEH
— hannah strong (@thethirdhan) November 2, 2023
2hrs after a breakup females be havin 2 jobs, signed up for school & a dwn payment on a house 😭😭.
— KEKE. ♍️ (@msssmoney) November 1, 2023
Me at home: Why isn't there more kindness in the world?
Me while driving: I hate every single person on this planet.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 31, 2023
A lady just asked me am I proud to be celebrating the devils holiday. Ma’am I’m a banana. pic.twitter.com/4PwyYyLWhr
— The Devil’s Banana (@hiyaheaux) October 31, 2023
Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 31, 2023
Last night I was at a very fancy restaurant and I watched a woman casually take a sip of water out of a small vase of roses on the table. Her husband didn’t react at all.
I cannot stop thinking about it.— AlwaysAshley (@AshleyAlready) October 29, 2023
y’all wanted this “cuddle weather” now look at y’all!! lonely and cold 😭😭😭
— gen ⍤ (@genmnz) October 30, 2023
for some reason my hotel room has 2 toilets and i have been using them equally so neither one “feels left out” in case you’re wondering how i’m doing
— limp brittzkit (@Brittymigs) October 29, 2023
no one:
my head when it’s midnight:
31st of october 1st of november pic.twitter.com/6UTzHS7hWl— 𝕄𝕖𝕘 (@fasshionlover) October 31, 2023
Egg a whole house? In this economy?
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) November 1, 2023
With friendships I have what I like to call “outdoor cat attachment style.” Some weeks u will see me a ton and other weeks u will not know if I’m dead or alive but don’t worry I still love u I will not forget u
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) October 31, 2023
bro really said this then showed us the sickest looking book ever https://t.co/nOUHe1Qyvi
— kira 👾 (@kirawontmiss) November 1, 2023
a little girl in the neighborhood was taylor swift from the you belong with me video so i just screamed TAYLOR SWIFT at her as we walked by and she yelled back, "MY NAME IS ADDIE." i'm glad we got that cleared up
— C O U R T N E Y 🏼 (@icourtneycries) November 1, 2023
the popcorn/vomit bowl is also the halloween candy bowl, I don’t make the rules.
— emily (@emilykmay) October 31, 2023
My gen z sister asked me “how did you read fan fiction back in the day” as if I was charging my computer with a butter churner to load fanfiction dot net
— Rose Dommu (@rosedommu) October 30, 2023
Bringing back my top chuck e cheese fun fact: when they retired old animatronics corporate didn't want to pay to ship them back but also didn't want them to be stolen or sold, so they told franchise employees to beat and smash them and then mail in polaroids of this happening
— Jenny Skeleson (@JennyENicholson) October 31, 2023
bestie: "send me that picture we took last night, we probably look so good!"
the picture: pic.twitter.com/VPVIuHROTu— ivy ♡ *.✧ (@ivyluvx) October 31, 2023
I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) November 2, 2023
i have bad spatial reasoning but is his head…. supposed to be that size https://t.co/MPALErtqM0
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) October 29, 2023
All of these words make sense individually, however the problem is when you combine them in such a manner…. https://t.co/QDBGRrrSAa
— Alexis “Bring Back Bunheads” Wilson (@sassyblackdiva) November 1, 2023
carefully pushing razor blades into the heroin bonbons I’m distributing to trick or treaters from my legal home address tonight. each one costs me $52 and risks a crazy prison sentence with no possible upside. but someone’s gotta do it
— Marie lastnamé (@marieberd) November 1, 2023
these two girls yelled "hi barbie!" at me and when i responded with "hi barbie!" back, they lost their shit like "she RESPONDED omg" as if i was an animatronic???
— tam-eek!-a👻 (@prettycritical) October 29, 2023
A dog's sigh is so hilarious because wtf is stressing you
— Invis🧜♀️ (@invis4yo) October 28, 2023
Turns out that ending meetings with “have the day you deserve” has made me some enemies at work.
— gⓗⓓ (@GingerHotDish) October 29, 2023