Gaysplaining the Trump hush-money trial and how Stormy Daniels is involved

Donald Trump and Stormy Daniels
Donald Trump and Stormy Daniels

Yesterday’s big news was that a judge denied Donald Trump’s attempts to exclude evidence in his upcoming criminal trial in New York — you know, one of the MANY trials the MAGA leader is facing.

We love anytime anyone tells Trump no, but what exactly is Trump being charged with in the hush money trial, and how is adult film mogul Stormy Daniels involved?

Why is Trump on trial this time?

In the final weeks of the 2016 election — otherwise known as the before times — Trump was getting antsy about his chances of beating Hilary Clinton if his affairs and poor treatment of women came to light. So he got his lawyer to pay off the two women he’d had affairs with to keep them quiet.

Then, if that slimy behavior wasn’t enough, fraudulent business records were created to cover up the alleged criminal conduct. Now, he’s about to head to trial, where Trump is facing a whopping 34 felony counts of falsifying business records, all of which he has pleaded not guilty to.

How is Stormy Daniels involved?

Back in 2006, when former adult film star Stormy Daniels was in her 20s and Trump was in his 60s, the two had an affair. Age-gap relationships can be hot, but yuck!

To keep that info on the down low, Trump’s then-lawyer, Michael Cohen, paid Daniels $130,000 through a shell corporation for her silence, according to the Associated Press.

The prosecutors want Daniels’ to testify about the hush-money payments, which is smart because if you want someone to spill the tea on the stand, you pick someone who far less outspoken (and frankly super brave) than Daniels.

Trump’s lawyers tried to get Daniels’ testimony excluded from the trial, but yesterday, the judge ruled against them, basically saying, “In your dreams!”

Why is Michael Cohen part of the trial?

Not only did Cohen pay off Daniels, but he also paid $150,000 to former Playboy model Karen McDougal through the publisher of the tabloid the National Enquirer, who also killed McDougal’s story so it wouldn’t come to light.

But that’s not all because a slimy lawyer has to get paid, too. Cohen was paid $420,000, including a $60,000 bonus. Looks like we got into the wrong business because, apparently, being a terrible human being pays really well.

In 2018, Cohen pleaded guilty to campaign finance charges, lying to Congress, among other crimes for which he got three years in prison. But because things work differently for the wealthy, he only spent 13 1/2 months behind bars and a year and a half in home confinement.

Trump’s lawyers tried to argue that Cohen has a history of lying, so his testimony should be excluded from the trial. That’s rich coming from the legal team of the biggest liar around.

Luckily, Judge Juan Merchan is more intelligent than that and rejected their argument.

What are the Access Hollywood tapes, and what did the judge rule?

On Monday, the judge also ruled that the infamous Access Hollywood tapes — the ones where Trump was real gross and bragged about how he gropes women — can’t be played during the trial, but prosecutors can bring them up to talk about Trump’s fear of how the video footage would impact his bid for president.

Although we’d be shocked if there was a single person in America who hasn’t heard Trump say he was going to “grab them by the p***y.”


Trump was worried he wouldn’t win the 2016 election if all of his bad behavior came to light, so he paid off a bunch of people, and now a judge says the people involved can testify against him. Score one for justice!