'I have husband, girlfriend and three occasional partners – monogamy isn't for me'

A polyamorous psychologist based in Scotland has given an intimate insight into her unconventional love life.

Lori Beth, 61, who's juggled multiple partners for over 40 years, reckons monogamy isn't everyone's cup of tea. The intimacy coach, fond of posting on Instagram about women's health, sex, and spurning societal norms, said she was brought up to view monogamy as the only ethical choice when it came to relationships.

She revealed she had two long-term paramours, both of whom cheated on her. But from 1998 onwards, she committed herself exclusively to non-monogamous relationships.

Her first foray into a non-monogamous relationship, however, kicked off in 1980 when her then-partner was secretly involved with another woman.

Their breakup ensued once Lori Beth discovered the truth, but upon reuniting months later, she was contacted by his other girlfriend searching for his whereabouts - only to stumble upon news of a third woman in his life.

Lori shared: "We figured out he was out with another woman that neither of us liked. In that call, she invited me for coffee and that began a friendship and a chosen family.

"We entered into a four-year relationship and I am still connected with that boyfriend to this day, seeing each other a couple of times a year.

"Over the years we have moved in and out of sexual relationships with each other and he remains one of my dearest chosen family and he and my husband are friends as well."

When Lori was single, she enjoyed multiple relationships with couples, but in her long-term relationships, she's had three significant non-monogamous partnerships involving several partners.

Lori's second marriage, which lasted nine years, was an open one until her husband "had an affair", becoming "sexually involved with someone" and "lied about it" for seven months. "It wasn't that he had sex with someone else - it was that he lied" she said.

Currently, Lori is married for the third time and is in a polyamorous relationship with her husband and a girlfriend from the US, whom she has been with for nine years. They maintain their connection through weekly Zoom calls and meet up four times a year.

In addition to her primary relationships, Lori has three other occasional partners and "a few really close friends who might be play partners in the right circumstances".

She expressed her capacity to "love men and women", finding that with both, more of her "needs met" are fulfilled, encompassing "physical, emotional, and spiritual" aspects.

For Lori, non-monogamy is less about the sexual aspect and more about intimacy, although juggling multiple partners can be challenging. She believes she can "manage three committed relationships all at once" provided they don't live within 100 miles of her.

"If they do live close by, I can only manage two committed relationships. And I can manage up to six people who are regularly in my life in person just a number of times per year" she detailed.

She highlighted evident "downsides" to polyamory, saying they're no different from those experienced in any other relationship due to there simply being "not enough time in any one day".

"Even with multiple partners, invariably there are occasional times that needs aren't getting met", she elucidated, recollecting: "In October 2019, I was working on my memoir and did a road trip down the east coast of the US for three weeks. During that trip, even though I saw three partners - I had no sex at all."

Lori remarked that "keeping a diary can be difficult", referring to how it's "hard to figure out how to fit in everyone's wants and needs".

At present, Lori states she's "only juggling two relationships", and manages them through "lots of clear communication, excellent boundaries, and by being honest". She continued: "Mainly, negativity comes from other people who struggle to understand non-monogamy."

The conflict often stems from those close to her, she added: "Some people feel my lifestyle violates their religious dogma and I have been told that I am evil. I was accused of trying to take down the institution of marriage, even though I am married myself."

"Most of the time, my life doesn't look that different from a monogamous person's life. All the usual joys and hardships are present, just in larger numbers."