'I'm a stay-at-home mum and feel abandoned when husband goes on solo holidays'

Woman with hands over her face as she lay on a bed
-Credit: (Image: Getty Images/Image Source)

A woman has expressed her feelings of abandonment as her husband plans to spend six weeks on holiday with a friend, leaving her to look after their two young children.

The 40-year-old mother, who wishes to remain anonymous, describes her husband as "wonderful" but only when he is at home. On a daily basis, he goes to work while she takes care of the household and their children.

However, she claims that whenever her partner, whom she refers to as the "love of her life", has any free time from work, he arranges trips to visit his "dear friend" who lives five hours away, she recently shared on Reddit.

Her frustration grew when, after her partner reportedly took a two-week trip abroad with his friend, he returned and announced they were planning two more holidays, each lasting three weeks. Several Reddit users have raised suspicions, suggesting there might be more to her partner's friendship than meets the eye.

She elaborated: "He is an involved father, he pitches in with the housework, and he makes enough money for us to be very comfortable while I stay home with our two young children. He has a friend who he usually visits for two or three days, twice a month. A few times a year they tend to take longer four to six day trips. It adds up to a lot of time away, but it's in manageable increments and in service to an important friendship."

She went on to say: "They took a two week trip abroad. I knew about it well in advance and was fine with it. I figured it was a one every few years sort of thing. A month or so after that trip, he tells me they're planning another overseas trip for this spring."

The mother was upset when her partner revealed they were planning to visit a location she had always dreamed of - but they had decided to wait until their children were older before going. She added: "I told him I wasn't happy but somewhat grudgingly gave my blessing to what was supposed to be a 7-10 day trip."

"Same goes for another 5-7 day trip abroad they decided to plan for this summer, again to a place we had previously talked about going together when kids are older."

Shortly after discussing his holiday plans with her husband, he admitted that both the spring and summer trips had "ballooned" into three weeks each.

The frustrated American mum remarked: "I got upset. I cried and told him I felt betrayed and abandoned, like he was leaving me here to raise the kids (both trips will now cause him to miss significant kid-related events he knew about before planning) while he just goes on doing what he wants and living his life without me."

"He found my response really hurtful, that I would act like he's abandoning me and the kids, and said that he deserves to have meaningful friendships and see beautiful things."

She added: "Two months of international travel in the span of a year seems like a lot. And when you also add on the bi-monthly hanging out, that's about four months out of town with his friend."

The mum sought advice online, questioning if her feelings of hurt were unjustified given her partner's behaviour. The post quickly went viral, sparking a debate among thousands of commenters.

"This is not a platonic friendship," one person asserted. Another chimed in: "His amount of travel is way too much. I strongly suspect your husband is having an affair with his 'friend' or using the friend as cover for an affair."

A third shared their perspective, adding: "Sure looks like the 'friend' is either a lover or a wingman and you're the safe fallback. This goes well beyond any normal friendship. It's been escalating and there's no reason to think it won't continue to escalate."

Another commenter remarked: "Let's be real, this isn't 'solo' vacation travel. This travel leaves you behind there's a difference. Strikes me as weird that only he travels to see his friend twice a month, this friend never travels to see him," another observed.

Another individual sympathised, writing: "Oh, honey... He's beaten you down so badly that now you're accepting scraps and putting pressure on yourself to smile while doing it."

While someone else said: "This is weird behaviour. He's not 'missing out' on this friendship, he's missing out on the life he chose with you and the kids. Going overseas for extended vacations isn't something you do with a friend once a year, let alone multiple times! ".