Jimmy Kimmel Reveals AI Bob Iger, Predicts Disney/WBD Bundle Will Be a ‘Streaming Pile of S**t’

Jimmy Kimmel is, without fail, the highlight of TV’s upfronts week every year; 2024 was no exception. (2023 was, due to the writers strike.)

The “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” host left no stone unturned in his annual profane and ruthless takedown of everything Disney (and everyone else in Hollywood) wants to sell to advertisers. This year that included the new Disney+ bundle with Hulu and Max, Netflix finally kissing the asses of said advertisers, the AMPTP, “The Golden Bachelor,” and finding a catchy new name for that sports-streaming service Disney is working on with Fox and Warner Bros. Discovery.

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He started things off with a huge announcement: Bob Iger’s successor at Disney as CEO is… an artificially intelligent Bob Iger clone. AIger.

“Bob isn’t going anywhere ever again anywhere,” Kimmel said. “We uploaded him to the cloud so that we can live in peace and prosperity under the watchful AI of the Iger. All hail AIger!”

Kimmel hasn’t been at upfronts since 2021 after getting Covid in 2022 and then canceling last year due to the writers strike. But Iger hasn’t graced the stage in 30 years.

“This guy, he should be retired by now. He should be off on a yacht somewhere, instead he’s here pretending to be excited about a new season of ‘Will Fucking Trent,'” Kimmel said.

Kimmel didn’t forget that Iger considered selling ABC last year before changing his mind.

“Once no one was interested, Bob explained he didn’t mean he literally wanted to sell us, he was just testing the waters for Wall Street,” Kimmel said. “Thanks, but Bob, usually when they test the waters they dip in a toe, they don’t drown their children.”

Disney introduced the face of the new series “The Golden Bachelorette,” and Kimmel welcomed her into the ABC family by asking if her grandkids were excited to watch grandma get “raw-dogged in a jacuzzi.” “The Golden Bachelorette,” he added, is part of Disney’s strategy to steal CBS’ audience by “putting them all in a house together.” He also reminded that the “Golden Bachelor” and his bride were divorced after a short union, “much like Bob Chapek.” He closed by introducing ABC’s new show, “The Golden Retriever,” in which a bunch of horny dogs hump everything in sight.

Kimmel was especially excited for the new Disney/WBD bundle, calling it an “ad-supported streaming pile of shit” designed to take down Netflix… that is, until Netflix announced its own bundle today with Peacock and Apple.

“Then we’ll just sit back until the next pandemic and let the money roll in,” he said.

Kimmel said Disney didn’t want to bundle; “they had to…. you’ve seen our churn rates. This is Churnobyl.”

We’re still waiting on an official name for the sports streaming bundle, but Kimmel had a catchy one: “Weekend at Divorced Dad’s House.” Said Kimmel, “I haven’t seen this much corporate camaraderie in this business since last summer since they all worked together to starve the writers.”

As for Netflix, Kimmel said they spent years “ignoring you, sneering at you,” and shoveling you their “Unbreakable Kimmy Shit.” Now they’ve magically changed their tune and are playing the same game as everyone else.

“Now those smug b-holes have to lick your nuts like the rest of us do,” he said. “Of course they’re acting like they’re excited about it. We love ads in our shows! It just never occurred to us to put them there. Scumbags.”

At Disney’s presentation, “Poor Things” and the upcoming “Kinds of Kindness” star Emma Stone kicked things off to introduce Iger. Disney also teased the upcoming fourth season of “Only Murders in the Building,” a new series called “High Potential” starring Kaitlin Olson, and upcoming Marvel series “Agatha All Along” and “Ironheart.”

Nipping at Kimmel’s heels each year is Seth Meyers, who always entertains during the NBCUniversal upfront. Arguably Meyers has the harder job: NBCU opens the week with a morning presentation, not usually a peak comedy time. Meyers’ annual task also comes the day after Mother’s Day when people are tired, homesick, or hungover — or all three.

Meyers had some zingers on Monday. Our favorite: “I found $20 on the street this morning. Long story short, I’m one of the two finalists [to buy] Paramount.”

Shortly after Meyers’ set, NBC announced an extension of his “Late Night” contract. Good soldiers (and good talk-show hosts) get rewarded.

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