John Shuttleworth: ‘The funniest word? Tuna mayonnaise’

The funniest standup I’ve ever seen …

I do believe it was a sketch by the late Mike and Bernie Winters in the early 1970s. I can’t remember much about it, but it must have been funny because I slapped my thigh repeatedly, forgetting that I had a tangerine in my trouser pocket. I pummelled a good few of the segments into pulp and had juice running down my thigh – not a pleasant experience.

The funniest heckle I’ve ever had …

I knocked over my water bottle on stage once, exclaiming: “Oof, my water’s gone!” Someone shouted out: “I didn’t know you were having a baby, John?” Very funny, I realised, once my wife Mary had explained it to me.

The funniest meal I’ve ever eaten …

A tin of creamed mushrooms on top of a bed of boiled demerara sugar. The chef – a Mr Ken Worthington – had believed the sugar was couscous.

The funniest thing that shouldn’t be funny …

It’s surely someone slipping up on a banana skin? The trouble is, I’ve never actually witnessed it so I don’t know if it is funny. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe it would make me cry out in anguish or just tut in disgust.

The funniest word …

Tuna mayonnaise. It is two words but I trust it’s acceptable? It sounds ridiculous to me, and now the abbreviation “tuna mayo” is in common usage, how anyone could ever say “tuna mayonnaise” baffles me – they’re just wasting their breath!

John Shuttleworth plays Brighton, Saturday 29 February & Sunday 1 March; London, Monday 2 & Tuesday 3; Stafford, Thursday 5, Manchester, Friday 6 & 7 March; touring to 4 May