Katherine Heigl Is Teaching Her Daughters Not to Worry About People-Pleasing: 'It's Not Your Job'

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Katherine Heigl has learned a lot in her life experiences, and she's eager to pass that along to her children.

Speaking with NewBeauty about managing her mental health as she tackles her career and motherhood, the actress, 44, admitted that it's taken her "a couple of cycles to figure out how to stand up for myself without it coming from a place of defensiveness or aggressiveness."

"I'm still working on that. I'm trying to work on coming from a place of peace and calm and confidence—as opposed to a place of being pissed off or angry," she continued. "It's important to say, 'This is my boundary.'"

Heigl went on to acknowledge how hard it can be to set boundaries, noting that "it's necessary, and it's what I keep trying to teach my daughters."

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Explaining why it's been important for her to instill in daughters Adalaide, 10, and Naleigh, 14, Heigl continued, "I don't want to make it a gender issue, but I do think there is this under-the-radar, unsaid, collectively understood vibe that women are meant to be 'pleasing.' "

"I see it in my young daughters, and it's just this odd, inherent social thing. I'm certainly not teaching them to be like that, but they're picking it up somewhere—there's a definite message of 'please everyone, except yourself,'" the mom of three — who also shares son Joshua, 6, with husband Josh Kelly — noted.

"I worry about it a lot when I look at my oldest daughter. I keep saying, 'I need you to understand that that is not your job.' And I don't know if she'll fully understand it until she's in her 40s and has garnered some experience of wisdom, but I want to keep hammering it home," Heigl emphasized.

Katherine Heigl Instagram

Heigl said she often reminds her daughter that, "It's not your job to make everybody else feel comfortable, happy, safe, liked, or adored. It is your job to make sure you know who you are, you know what your boundaries are."

"You have to know what you will—or will not—put up with, and then, hopefully, handle that graciously," she advised. "You don't have to attack people, but you do have to stand up for yourself."

The Firefly Lane actress recently shared a beautiful moment with her oldest during an appearance on The View in November. The daytime show shared a sweet throwback clip where Heigl talked about Naleigh's adoption during a 2012 appearance.

The camera then panned to the little girl, who upon making eye contact with Heigl made her way on stage to hug her mom. The clip left the Grey's Anatomy alum in tears, as she looked back at the time in her life.

the view

"Naleigh came to us at 9 months and three days later I got on a plane and went to work in Atlanta. At the time, becoming a new mother I was just like, 'I got it, I got it, I can handle this,' " she recalled.

"You know, 'They've told us we can have it all. We can have careers and families and it's all going to be great. It's all going to work out.' I never saw that baby," the mom of three revealed, continuing to get emotional.

Noting that she "spent more time" with the triplets she was working with on set than with Naleigh, she explained, "she bonded with my husband — of course — he was with her. So I was always afraid I had missed this opportunity to bond with her, and that she didn't love me."