Labour MPs caught cat napping over Gaza by cat lapping George Galloway

With satisfaction and pride, Jeremy Hunt told the Commons that “there are 200,000 more people in work compared to a year ago.” What he didn’t mention is that half that number are Labour councillors.

The Tories have been sacked en masse: Andy Street is back on the tills at John Lewis, and Susan Hall was last spotted driving slowly around Sadiq Khan’s house shouting “I’m still watching you Sadiq!”

And we still won Tees Valley, minister Gareth Davies reminded the House. Rachel Reeves laughed in her curious wooden way - like a Thunderbird puppet, her arms jiggling to express what her face cannot.

Labour is within reach of power and the only thing it has to fear is ... George Galloway.

Though popular with the rest of the country, they are losing the one demographic that even supported them under Corbyn – Muslims – to an anti-war socialist who believes gay relationships aren’t normal (which, nine out of ten housewives say, is exactly the appeal).

To compensate, week after week, Labour has asked a question about Gaza, allowing the shadow leadership to wring its hands and backbench MPs I’ve never heard of from constituencies I can’t believe exist (Leeds East Southwest) to decry a humanitarian crisis over which Britain has zero control.

One might as well pass a resolution to ask Madonna to tone it down.

“What is the Government doing to stop this bloodshed and massacre in Gaza?!” shouted Imran Hussein, to which Andrew Mitchell replied with diplomatic finesse: “He sets out in eloquent terms the nature of the problem we are facing.”

Defusing a bomb

Every Mitchell answer is the rhetorical equivalent of defusing a bomb. Is the invasion of Rafah a breach of humanitarian law, asked Chris Law: “Yes or no?” “Alas,” he replied, “such questions are not susceptible to yes or no answers.”

With Netanyahu possibly hours away from turning Rafa into rubble, the emotions in this debate ran authentically high: both sides quoting war crime stories that are highly disputed.

Suella Braverman said Israel has the right to “finish the job,” earning a chorus of boos. Dawn Butler asked how many people must die before said job is completed? Some Tories agreed with her, including Mark Logan whose region, Bolton, is about 20 per cent Asian.

Let’s not be too cynical.

The real division in Parliament is not between Labour and Conservatives but between backbenchers who demand clarity in British policy and frontbenchers who sit on the fence, pretending to be statesmen when really they are just bystanders, sending off emails to Bibi that bounce right back.

David Lammy’s position is largely indistinguishable from Mr Mitchell’s. A ceasefire, now – if both sides can agree to kiss and make up.

Galloway rose to his feet. There is “no proof of life” in Gaza, he bellowed, only “proof of death and mutilation”.

Yes, something can be done: the Government could “stop sending weapons” and “the Labour Party could actually ask you to, but didn’t”.

Labour MPs looked on in embarrassment, wondering how they’ve managed to cede the moral high ground to a man who, on national television, pretended to be a cat lapping milk from Rula Lenska’s hands.

All perfectly normal.