What To Do If You And Your Partner Have Different Libidos

I like to think that we’re past the point of making excuses like headaches for not wanting sex because we’re now all better at communicating, right? Right?

But sometimes, the mood just isn’t there, even if you want it to be.

It happens! Sex drives ebb and flow naturally and can be impacted by the stresses of life, work, or even just being too busy.

However, if your partner is experiencing a little dip in their libido and could use a helping hand (hehehe), there are some things you can do to get that engine moving again and get your sex life back on track.

Tips for improving partner’s libido

Well, first of all, don’t take it personally. While it may feel like a form of rejection, think of the times that your libido has been low – was it anything your partner was doing or were you just not feeling it? 

Next, sex aside, have you been complimenting your partner recently? While we can all get comfortable and assume that our partner knows that we think they’re the best thing since Betty White, everybody loves to feel wanted and sometimes, you just need to be reminded that yes, you are still a hot piece of ass. 

This is backed up by research done at Harvard University which found that improvements in self-esteem led to a better sex life. Which makes sense! Feel sexy, want sex! So, if it’s been a while since you last told your partner that you worship the ground their beautiful body walks on, now is the time.

Given that 74% of us are feeling stressed and overwhelmed in the UK, chances are that your partner is feeling it, too and if they are, that could play a huge part in their lower libido as stress is one of the main causes of libido loss.

Consider what you can do to alleviate some stress for your partner. Maybe do some calming activities together like cooking, playing a board game, having a bath together or simply cosying up to watch a favourite film in the bedroom.

Finally, Insider recommends that if your partner is struggling with arousal, there are a few things that could help to bring it back including: sexting, watching porn, reading erotic stories, sex toys and kissing and touching without the expectation of sex. 

Patience is key

While it is frustrating to be in a different place than your partner when it comes to libido, it’s essential that you are patient with your partner. As sex therapist Dr Katherine Hertlein says:

 “As the high libido partner, it is important to remember that your lower-libido partner may be going through something that is causing their lower sex drive that doesn’t necessarily have to do with you. Your partner needs you to be patient and understanding, rebuilding will take time.”