'I was prepared to end it all... one simple act of kindness changed everything'

Staring blankly ahead as she walked towards the train station, Michaela Taylor was at peace. It was the calmest she had felt in months.

The road was busy with traffic and people but everything was a blur. “I look like a typical person walking down the street,” the mum thought to herself. “They have no idea what I’m going to do.”

Arriving at a local train station, Michaela stepped out onto the empty platform. As she arrived she glanced over to a bench. Somebody had left a bunch of pale pink roses and white daises behind.

Join our WhatsApp Top Stories and Breaking News group by clicking this link

Moving closer towards the bouquet, Michaela spotted a white note. “Adopt me,” it read. Michaela froze. These free flowers had just saved her life.

“I had this moment of feeling like, maybe I do matter,” the 31-year-old told the Manchester Evening News. “Maybe this is a sign.”

Michaela had been suffering from postnatal depression for 18 months when she made the decision to end her life on March 8. Her struggles started when she fell pregnant with her third child in September 2022.

Having tragically lost her second baby in a stillbirth, Michaela became anxious upon discovering she was expecting another boy.

And while the pregnancy and birth went well, the mum, who lives in Wigan, knew almost immediately she did not have a connection with her son.

“The labour was so quick,” Michaela, who is also mum to a four-year-old girl, told the MEN. “I thought maybe I was just adjusting to it or that was what it’s like when you’ve already had one baby.”

Michaela says the first few months were a blur. The mum was struggling to breastfeed and her son kept falling sick with several different illnesses.

While she sensed something wasn’t right, Michaela put her feelings down to him being unwell. “I mentioned it to my GP and they said it was probably because he’s a boy and he had been unwell,” she added.

“They said once he was better I would feel like myself, but I didn't.” When the tot was five-months-old, a health visitor noticed Michaela was struggling, making the mum realise she was unwell for the first time.

Michaela was referred to the perinatal mental health team before going to see a doctor. The medic told her she had postnatal depression and prescribed a course of medication.

Postnatal depression is a type of depression that many parents experience after having a baby.

It's a common condition and affects more than one in every 10 women within a year of giving birth, according to the NHS. It can also affect fathers and partners.

Sadly, despite her treatment, Michaela’s condition worsened. “I progressively got more unwell,” she said.

“Even though I was unwell, I was almost masking it when professionals came over because I was worried they thought I was a bad mum or they were going to take the kids away thinking I couldn’t look after them.

“On the surface, I was doing everything, but it was the bare minimum.”

By April 2023, in the lead-up to the anniversary of her stillborn baby's death, Michaela’s mental health had spiralled.

So depressed she could barely string a sentence together, her health visitors admitted her to a mother and baby unit. Specialist staff on the wards help nurture and support mothers and their babies while the mother has treatment for a mental illness.

Michaela and her infant son spent four months on the ward before being discharged because he turned one, the oldest a baby can be in the unit.

And while progress had been made with their bond, Michaela’s mental health had still not improved.

“Two weeks later, I felt like things were spiralling out of control,” she added. “I was feeling worse about myself and beating myself up for still struggling.”

Unable to see a light at the end of the tunnel, the mum-of-three attempted to take her own life and was hospitalised.

Michaela then underwent trauma therapy alongside her treatment and felt a “noticeable shift” in her mental state.

While the therapy helped, it also triggered many painful memories, eventually leaving the mum struggling again.

“In the gap between Christmas and New Year, I found myself really struggling,” she said. “I got to my lowest point where I was actively suicidal and really struggling to keep myself safe.

“I felt completely worthless, like a burden to everyone. My husband was incredible and supportive and took time off work to make sure I was okay.

“I felt like I wasn’t bringing anything as a wife and I thought my kids deserved better and to not have a mum like this who was in and out of hospital. It wasn’t fair on them.”

Michaela was re-admitted to hospital in January this year where she made progress once more.

But just a few weeks after being discharged, her mental state deteriorated again, leading to the day she went to the train station.

“I’d taken the kids to nursery in the morning and I was supposed to have an appointment with my phycologist,” Michaela, who works in a wine bar, added.

“I told my husband I was struggling so I was going to go into the town centre, take a book and maybe have a coffee.

“He asked me why I wasn’t driving or taking the car, but I told him I just felt like walking and having some time outside.

“In his defence, I did mask it very well. You wouldn’t have known what was going on through my head.”

Making the long walk towards the train station, Michaela remembers everything around her looking like a blur.

“That walk was a blur,” she said. “The only thing I really remember is knowing what I was going to do and the blur of the cars and people going past and no one having any idea.”

The mum can recall feeling relieved upon seeing an empty train platform so she wouldn't “traumatise” other passengers.

“It was a combination of things,” she added. “I think it was not feeling that bond and feeling really guilty about that.

“I thought this was the right thing. It had been going on for 18 months and I couldn’t see a way out.

“I felt like I had tried everything and I was a burden to my family and friends. I felt worn out from explaining it to people.”

Michaela can recall the moment she spotted the flowers for the first time.

“I think I’d gone to sit down and I noticed these flowers on the bench,” she said.

“I don’t know why, because I wasn’t in a good headspace at all, but I saw this sign saying, ‘Adopt me,’ and I saw they’d been left there as a random act of kindness.

“I remember standing there holding them and it was like everything else around me had gone into a blur, gone into the background.

“It wasn’t a profound moment of like, oh my Goodness, these were meant for me. I just thought, this is a really odd feeling.”

A few moments later, other passengers began arriving at the station and a train pulled into the platform. Michaela lay the flowers back down on the bench and walked onto the train.

The mum knew the discovery had been much more than just a coincidence.

“I just had this realisation of, wow, this doesn’t feel like a coincidence,” she added. “It was only me there and it was this day and this time.”

The bouquet was placed by Sarah McCaig, found of local florist Olive Owl, as a way to mark International Women’s Day on March 8.

A few days after making the discovery, Michaela found Sarah on Instagram and told her the flowers stopped her taking her life.

Having learned the significance of Michaela’s find, Sarah is now hoping to reach others who could also be in need.

That’s why she’s started #PetalsOfPositivity, an initiative which will see a number of florists place bunches of free blooms for others to find.

With a number of florists signed up to the campaign across Manchester, Liverpool and Yorkshire, Sarah is now calling on more florists up and down the UK to take part in the scheme.

Not wanting to return to hospital where her mental health worsens, Michaela continues to receive treatment at home.

“I’m definitely not where I was,” she said. It’s still an ongoing journey but I feel like I’ve got enough coping skills and the right people around me to carry on muddling through it.

“I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s like there are cracks in the tunnel where light is pouring through. It’s like a guide to tell me the more you go, the more light there’s going to be.

“I feel like I have a bit more of a life again now and I’ve definitely got hope for the future. I want to be here now and that’s the biggest change.

Florist Sarah said: “When I placed those bunches in different spots on that day, I had no idea the impact they would have.

“I wanted to do something to help celebrate international women’s day, but actually, they ended up doing something much more - saving a woman’s life.

“When I received a message from Michaela sharing the gravitas such a small act of kindness could hold, I was blown away, and I knew immediately that I wanted to do something more.

“I am forever grateful that it was Michaela who came across one of the bunches that day and I am in awe of her strength – she’s an inspiration to us all.

“I want to use this opportunity to ask other florists up and down the UK to join me, we’re lucky to be surrounded by beautiful blooms every day, and it’s a small joy that we can pass onto others.

“Although I recognise it’s not going to fix the issues some people are facing, it could just be the lifeline they need to break their mindset and ask for help.”

Michaela added: “I was really hesitant to share this raw and upsetting time in my life, but my hope is that my vulnerability will encourage others to do the same.

“It was something about Sarah’s flowers and the note they came with that told me I mattered and kept me safe until I felt able to reach out for help. I am indebted to Sarah and my kids still have a mother thanks to the kindness she showed that day. I know that #PetalsofPositivity will be a fantastic force for good.

“We’re all so busy day to day that sometimes we forget kindness and lose sight of what someone may be facing. However, it should be number one on our list of priorities because of the incredible impact it can have. A little bit of kindness can go a long way. It might just save a life.”

Any florists that would like to take part in #PetalsofPositivity can find more information here or send a direct message on the Olive Owl Instagram page. More information on the campaign is available to read here.