How to cope when life throws rocks at you

Dr Emma Hepburn is an award-winning clinical psychologist who works in the NHS and lectures at Aberdeen University. Her mental health drawings have won her over 100,000 followers on Instagram. Her exclusive drawings for Stella magazine with bite-sized advice are published on telegraph.co.uk on Fridays.

There aren’t many inevitabilities in life, however I can guarantee that, at some point, something will go wrong. You will make mistakes, challenges and stressors will occur. Life will throw rocks at you.

You can’t always stop this happening and it will probably hurt when those rocks hit. What you can do is look at whether your thoughts and responses prolong the pain.

Research shows that the way we explain an event has implications for how it impacts us. If we think it’s our fault (internal), unlikely to change (stable), and defines our whole life (global), it is likely to have a longer-term negative impact.

Viewing an event as external to us, changeable and specific (ie it does not define us) can really help. When it comes to our emotional response, shaming and criticising how you feel can lead to us suppressing emotions, which also increases stress. Normalising and validating your emotions helps you process them.

So next time life throws a rock, keep an eye out for unhelpful responses and consider how to change them. 

Emma is the author of ‘A Toolkit for Modern Life: 53 Ways To Look After Your Mind’. Follow her on Instagram @thepsychologymum.

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