‘Sometimes I Think About Dying’ Sundance Film Review: Female Loneliness And Isolation Lead To Thoughts Of Death

Sometimes I Think About Dying is directed by Rachel Lambert, written by Stefanie Abel Horowitz, Kevin Armento, and Katy Wright. The movie stars Daisy Ridley, Dave Merheje, Megan Stalter and Brittany O’ Grady. It had its world premiere Thursday on the opening day of the Sundance Film Festival.

The film begins with shots of a seaside northwestern town on the Oregon coast. It appears to be a dreary and somewhat lonely place. Next we see Fran (Ridley) laying in bed peering outside the window at the gray sky. Instead of embracing the morning, she looks terrified to confront it. She works a mundane office job that she likes but is the least animated of her colleagues. Most of her work day is spent daydreaming about death or being overly observant of small things. Her night routine is also humdrum. Fran comes home, cooks dinner (in the microwave), thinks about dying, plays sudoku, ignores calls, brushes her teeth, and goes to bed every night around 10 p.m.

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Her co-workers are mostly an exhausting bunch of colorful personalities led by Isobel (played by the hilarious Stalter) as they fake laugh and talk about how much they love donuts all day. The new hire Robert (comedian Merheje), who admits he’s never worked a day in his life, takes a liking to Fran. Now her fantasies of death are injected with images of him. Maybe she’s found someone who gives her something to live for? Or is she getting her hopes up?

The question I kept asking myself throughout the film is what is the point of the many shots of this dark, overcast city? Fran is often caught in the shadows, or in darkness. Is she hiding something? Or is she just like that? What is the point of all this observation? Then it clicked. Fran is the city — she is the darkness — at least at first. Once she is touched by silvers of sunlight that is an indicator that she is beginning to connect with those around her and begins to come out of her shell.

There are some striking images from Lambert aided by Dustin Lane’s cinematography, especially when Fran imagines different ways to die. Also the director is doing some interesting camera work capturing subjects at odd angles and cut-offs. There are many images of feet, legs and talking heads split in half. It took me a while to pick up on the purpose of that as well, but it was all about disconnection. If Fran doesn’t see herself as a whole person, how can she see others that in the same light. It’s a genius way of reflecting the psyche of the main character through visuals. Completing the trifecta is the romanticized and fantastical score by Dabney Morris that turned a bleak subject into something more hopeful.

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Ridley is doing some career best work in Sometimes I Think About Dying. She doesn’t have many lines, but her face is expressive enough to tell the audience what’s going on. The anxiety and silence is where the actress shines, and physical expression is what Ridley is great at. This isn’t the type of role I would picture her in, but is ready for more serious roles that display her range of talents.

As odd as this sounds, Lambert took a story about depression and everyday mundane life and turned it into something refreshing, innovative and humorous. Sometimes I Think About Dying is a queer narrative about embracing yourself and the people around you. The film could have dived deeper into this idea because the romance between Robert and Fran doesn’t always read as authentic. BUT, the relationship isn’t the focus, it’s about finding honesty in these newfound personal attachments. When Fran finally tells Robert about her suicidal ideation, he embraces and supports her, and this is a watershed moment for her. One that says, it’s OK to be vulnerable.

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