Tam Cowan: 'Wisecracker said dad looks like my wee brother only with hair'

With a huge thank you to everyone who’s asked me to pass on their regards, a wee update on my 90-year-old dad. As you can see from the main photo, that’s him sitting outside Wishaw General last Saturday reading his laddie’s column in the Daily Record.

So what can I say? If laughter really IS the best medicine, the auld boy should now be stuck in Ward 9 for another four or five years… Nah, believe it or not, the Lanarkshire Lazarus is actually getting out on Monday (hence the bunting outside his local betting shop) and we’re whisking him straight to Perth as he’s agreed a two-year deal with St Johnstone boss Craig Levein.

He’s like one of “the undead” from a movie and I get the feeling we’ll eventually have to put a stake through his heart. As one well-wisher commented, it’s amazing what a haircut can do. Hang on – it’s not as simple as that!

My dad’s miraculous recovery (I’ll remind you the family got “the call” a week past on Wednesday) did indeed coincide with a rather striking short back and sides from the hospital’s crimper – he’s been compared to everyone from George Clooney to Kirk Douglas and he’s loving every bloody minute of it – but I think the medical staff deserve all the credit.

If it was all down to a new hairstyle, I wouldn’t have phoned an ambulance when I found my late mum out for the count on her bedroom floor three years ago. I’d have propped her up and given her a perm.

Anyway, Tam Snr is looking unbelievably well and, hands up, I’m not in the least bit surprised that so many of my followers on social media have been asking if I’m adopted. “He looks like your wee brother wi’ hair,” said one wisecracker.

At the end of my visit the other night, a nurse tried to usher him out while putting ME into bed! Aye, he looks so good in that “after” photo, inset, I’ve told him that’s the one we’ll use on the Order of Service… At the risk of tempting fate (do you think I should take a break from the keyboard and phone Ward 9 for an update?) I’m going to boldly predict he’ll get the official telegram from King Charles. Who knows, looking at the monarch’s pork sausage fingers (I’d estimate a cholesterol count of 258) he might even outlast him.

On Instagram, good news from my old BBC pal Jacqui (make-up artiste to the stars). If we go for the open casket when he eventually snuffs it at 117, she’s agreed to do a “homer”. And I know for a fact she’s not squeamish as, when Jacqui worked on my old telly show Offside, she once had to put a bit of slap on John McCririck…

Rangers legend Derek Parlane –the 71-year-old Peter Pan of professional football who I referred to in last week’s column as Simon Le Bon – admitted he may have a rival in the pin-up stakes. And a lot of folk simply wanted to congratulate Mr C on his remarkable barnet. “First dibs on that heid of hair!” said my wee chrome-dome pal Guy.

Actually, aware of the fact that he can’t last FOREVER, I think I’ll ask my dad to start carrying a Hair Donor Card. Well, it’d be a shame if that incredible bouffant didn’t go to someone less fortunate. Regular reader Stevie Brown – a fella who shares my sense of humour – said: “I hope all the ham sandwiches went to a good home. “And don’t worry about the steak pie – you can freeze it for up to six months…” Brilliant! My dad loved that. And his eyes lit up when I told him my auld mucker Sir Rod Stewart – a man who never misses his Daily Record – had sent me a text saying: “May the good Lord be with him.”

"Rod Stewart?” he said. “I used to be his paper-boy…”

Ps: On Tuesday, at a lovely new restaurant called Maison by Glaschu, I enjoyed an afternoon with Scottish football icons Chick Young and Gordon Smith (a Rangers legend with red, white & blue blood coursing through his veins… and Gordon Smith), below. And I’ll tell you what, folks, if you don’t think Chico is an icon, can I remind you the wee man has got his very own board game? It’s called Trivial Hirsute. When Chick started out, he could barely string a coherent sentence together. I can honestly say that success hasn’t changed him…

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