Vinnie Jones has described the “grief and depression” he felt following the death of his wife Tanya.
The actor, 55, speaks candidly about Tanya’s passing in his new book, Lost Without You, which looks back at the heartbreaking events of 2019.
After a heart transplant aged 21 and twice beating cervical cancer, Tanya was diagnosed with skin cancer in 2013.
It spread to her lungs and brain and she died at home in Los Angeles last year.
In a Lost Without You extract published by The Sun, Vinnie described the aftermath of Tanya’s death, explaining how he held her in his arms as she died.
“Tans fought all of it with such incredible grace; she was the strongest person you ever met,” he wrote.
“I sometimes tell people that I’m just waiting to be reunited with Tans. I suppose in some ways I’m just hanging around, half-living, until I get to see her again.
“Everyone tries to talk me out of it — ‘You’re not old, Vin,’ they say, ‘You’re healthy, you have lots of time left.’
“But it’s how I feel some days. I’m just waiting, kicking my heels, passing the time, keeping busy, hitting f***ing golf balls into a sea of sadness.
“Grief is like that: A great, heavy weight, heavier than any element, so heavy it can sink through the table and the floor and through the basement of the house and down into the deep rock.
“And some days, it takes you with it. And it’s on those days that I tell people I’m just waiting to be reunited with Tanya Jones.”
However, while Jones admits that he still does struggle with loneliness, he is trying to turn the grief into “something joyous.”
“The way I’m looking at it is this: She’s up there now, sitting there, looking down on us, so I try to be a good person,” he continued.
“I know I have a reputation for some of the things I’ve done, but you’ve no idea how much I’ve changed.
“I can keep myself busy through the days — I’m acting, and making movies, and doing deals, and appearances, and singing on The X Factor, and playing golf, and hanging out with Tans’ daughter, Kaley, and seeing my friends and family back in the UK.
“How to turn that grief into a joyous grief? That’s the test now — how to turn this huge negative into something positive.”
He then urged anyone struggling with grief to seek help.
“My advice to anyone going through this is to keep busy and go and talk to someone.
“They say depression is anger without energy; well, I guess I have that.
“All I can say is if you’ve got problems and you think that the weight is too heavy, you have to go and speak to somebody.
“I know Tans’ love will get me through this.”