Yahoo News Woman who would drive 600 miles to look after elderly parents in Benwell calls for more support for carers
A daughter who would travel hundreds of miles each weekend from the South coast to look after her frail parents in Benwell has called for more support for a "hidden army" of carers.
Louise Thompson spent years commuting between work in Hampshire, home in Sussex and her parents Alex and Dorothy on Tyneside - and even admitted she'd find herself at risk of falling asleep at the wheel as she would be driving north to look after them as they were living with dementia. Louise has become an innovator in the care field - and is speaking out about the impact of being an unpaid carer.
She said: "It was exhausting and I found myself falling asleep at the wheel of my car. I was jeopardising my career, yet I wasn’t doing a good job for anyone. I was simply hurtling between three counties trying to balance my work and home lives, whilst caring for two people I could never turn my back on and would do anything for.
“I was 300 miles away and my dad would call me asking for help with really basic things – even just changing the TV station. It became my own triangle of hell, which was made worse by the lack of support available at the time.
"I’d find myself awake at 5am after sleeping in their living room, desperately Googling for help and – at the time – there was nothing in the way I needed to consume it. You felt incredibly isolated."
Louise's parents became ill in around 2016 and have both sadly died - but Louise has used her own experience to develop an app called MyFolks which is described as a "compassionate concierge service" helping connect families with trusted and DBS-checked people in local areas who can help support elderly people when they need it.
She is also a big fan of online platform The Carents Room - set up by South Tyneside GP Dr Jackie Gray. Louise said the site which brings together "carents" - those in mid-life who might be caring for elderly parents - and provides support and opportunities to make their lives easier.
Louise added the site was a "lifeline" and said: "Being a carent is such an emotional rollercoaster and there can be highs, but it is also emotionally, physically and financially draining. You feel so conflicted as you find yourself so drained, yet with your parents or whoever you are caring for, you can often never do enough for them.
“Often parents are pleading not to be put in a home, but often they don’t realise how much pressure that is putting on their children who are often older themselves by that point, It is much harder than you can ever anticipate, and we need to talk more as a society about the reality of carenting – from funding care to the toll it can take looking after a parent with dementia in the small hours.
"And we also need to better brace people who are in their 60s that the retirement you thought you were getting may now include caring for a 90-year-old – but it is great that there are now finally resources available to help guide them."
The Carents Room has shared polling suggesting that 50% of British adults think they will never have caring responsibilities - despite the looming social care crisis. But, of those who had been carers for their parents or elderly relatives, half said they had neglected their own health and 60% said they had seen their mental health suffer.
Dr Gray launched the Carents Room after her own experience looking after her father. She said: "Many assume that the state will provide for them in later life, meaning that people, particularly in younger age groups, generally give little thought to planning for their old age. Furthermore, individuals often have a residual faith that their family will look after them in old age."
Dr Gray said "more must be done" to support "Carents" and take the strain off the NHS. The Carents Room has also been supported by Northern Gas Networks and Cadent, organisations which have both paid tribute to its work protecting those who are vulnerable.
Eileen Brown, Customer Experience Director at Northern Gas Networks said: “By partnering with The Carents Room, we are ‘helping the helpers’ who give their time and energy to look after others. The team at The Carents Room are doing a fantastic job of supporting families and individuals to look after loved ones, friends, and neighbours.
"We are particularly grateful to the team for the work they do to promote the Priority Services Register, helping us to look after customers who need a little extra help.”
