‘It’s actually quite selfish’: The dos and don’ts of the weekday wedding

When Sian Childs got married at Roodlea Farm in South Ayrshire in 2021, it had all the hallmarks of a traditional country wedding. There was the rustic barn filled with all her friends and family, the long white lace dress, the bouquet of colourful wildflowers. The one unexpected element? It all took place on a Wednesday.

“All the Saturdays at the venue we wanted were booked up for at least a year, and to be honest we also quite liked that a weekday would whittle down the guestlist,” says Childs, a 32-year-old personal trainer from Cardiff. “We did it in August so that our family and friends who are teachers, and all the kids, could come. In the end, everyone we invited could make it.”

And while saving money wasn’t the main motivation, Childs says they couldn’t believe how much they saved. “So many venues really ramp up the prices on a Saturday, so we got a big discount which we could spend on other things like the food and drinks. When we had our Wednesday wedding, it was quite unusual, but it seems to be becoming more popular now.”

Weekday weddings are indeed on the rise. According to data from wedding planning site hitched.co.uk, Monday September 23 is the most popular date for couples to tie the knot in 2024. This year is also the first time that a Saturday date hasn’t made the top five most popular wedding days. Indeed, tying the knot on a Saturday might soon become passé. According to bridebook.com, a wedding planning app, less than half of weddings in 2023 took place on a Saturday for the first time.

With the cost of the average wedding in Britain rising to £20,775 this year, it’s no wonder that many couples are trying to save costs by holding their big day on a weekday. But it’s not just about the money, as the Duke of Westminster (AKA the UK’s richest man under 40) proved with his wedding to Olivia Henson last Friday.

“Fewer Saturday weddings echoes a broader trend towards more diverse and flexible wedding schedules,” says Hamish Shephard, the founder of Bridebook, which found that couples who marry on Tuesdays or Wednesdays spend more than a fifth less on their weddings than average. “Whether driven by changes in work habits post-pandemic, cost considerations, or simply a desire for personalisation, today’s couples are redefining wedding traditions and embracing alternative options for their big day,” he says.

For some couples, the date of the wedding is more important than the day of the week it falls on. Natalie Lankston, 32, from West Sussex, is getting married on September 23 this year. “We chose the 23rd because 23 is my lucky number. We had our engagement party on September 23 2023, so exactly one year before our wedding day,” she says. “We weren’t too fussed on the day of the week we got married, so when we realised the 23rd fell on a Monday, we were happy. We felt this was a good day as it follows on from the weekend and would probably be easier for guests to take a long weekend to attend our wedding.”

“I think couples are realising you can have so much more choice if you think outside the traditional Saturday in May or June,” says Mark Niemierko, a luxury wedding planner, whose clients have included James and Julia Corden and Marvin and Rochelle Humes. “For some couples the date might be significant. I planned a weekday wedding at the Wallace Collection last year because the date was their anniversary.”

Although some couples choose a midweek wedding, Niemierko says that it might actually be your only option at some venues. “There are plenty of venues – particularly country house hotels – where weekend weddings aren’t ever on the table because it’s their busiest time. At Lime Wood Hotel in Hampshire, you’re looking at Monday to Thursday. Likewise, at Babington House [in Somerset] it’s always a Thursday. The only Saturday weddings I’ve organised there have been for Nick Jones, who owns the place, and James Corden, who’s his friend.”

Interestingly, there are also venues where it’s actually weekdays that are trickier to book. “The older private members’ clubs in London don’t like to book a wedding on a weekday, they’d prefer a weekend, and the big hotels are holding out for conferences during the week which will make them more money.”

Niemierko says that while there are often big savings to be made on the venue by choosing a weekday, most of the other wedding suppliers, from the catering to flowers to photographers, will charge similar amounts no matter what day you get married on. “But you will have more choice, as often the best bands and florists are booked up on the weekends for years in advance,” he says. “You can also get great deals by going out of season; no one is getting married in January, for example.”

And the savings on the venue can be staggering. At Elmore Court, a stately home in Gloucester, and one of the UK’s most Instagrammed wedding venues of 2023, the hire price is £15,000 for a summer Saturday, dropping to just £6,500 for a Thursday in February, March or November. If you want to save cash, Niemierko says the times to avoid are December (“You’re competing against corporate bookings”) and bank holiday weekends (“You’re competing against tourism”).

Zoe Burke, a wedding expert and editor at hitched.co.uk, says that it’s not unusual for couples to save £10,000 on their wedding venue, simply by opting for off-peak, midweek dates. “Many venues are half the price if booked Monday to Thursday,” she says. “I don’t know a single person who isn’t looking to save money at the moment, so I would urge ‘nearlyweds’ to consider thinking about off-peak options if their wedding budgets are looking tight.”

Chloe Nelson, the wedding and sales coordinator at Wellington Barn in Wiltshire, says that while most couples initially enquire about that “ideal Saturday wedding”, they change their mind when they realise the savings and the availability on offer. For many venues, Thursday has become the new Saturday. “There has been a significant uptake for Thursday dates, so much so that we don’t have any Thursdays available from April to October in 2024 and in 2023 we completed 27 Thursday weddings,” she says.

But while a midweek wedding might be cheaper and less stressful to organise for the couple, it can put an extra burden on guests. “I had a wedding on a Thursday in Wales and it took a lot of the fun away from it for me,” says Jess, 34, a marketing executive from Surrey. “Scrambling to get down there after work on a Wednesday and then travelling home hungover while trying to work remotely on the Friday was tough. I totally appreciate that some people are on a budget, but this was quite an extravagant wedding, so it left a bad taste in my mouth. Yes, I could’ve taken three days off work, but annual leave is so precious. I feel like a midweek wedding is a big ask and actually quite selfish. I’d much rather go to a low-key wedding on a weekend.”

Meanwhile, Samantha Earl, 46, a writer from London, says she loves a midweek wedding. “I went to one a few months ago and it really sorts the wheat from the chaff as you know everyone really wants to be there, so the vibe is great,” she says. “Everyone normally has a Saturday wedding, so it almost feels rebellious and naughty to be out partying midweek. But my husband is a teacher, so he hates them because he can’t ever take a day off work.”

So what’s the etiquette of attending a midweek wedding? Can you flat out refuse because of the day of the week? Is it frowned upon to check your emails during a boring moment between the speeches? Can you leave mid-way through to pick the kids up from school and bring them to the party?

“Couples planning a midweek wedding need to be mindful that there are going to be a lot of guests who will find it tricky, if not impossible, to attend,” says Liz Wyse, a wedding etiquette expert at Debrett’s. “They should prepare for a certain percentage of their guests to decline. I’d advise these couples to think about who it’s vital for them to have there and maybe even check with those people before they book as to how viable that day is for them. It’s also very important to give as much notice as possible.”

For guests, Wyse says that while getting your laptop out at a weekend wedding would be an absolute no-no, at a midweek wedding you might get away with it, if you do so discreetly and clear it with the host first. “Good etiquette is all about communication,” she says. “So I think it’s OK for a guest to RSVP and write a little note explaining that you have a vital meeting at 3pm which you’ll need to go off and do, or if you need to arrive late or leave early to make it work for you. And I think it behoves the hosts to be accommodating of these requests.”

Meanwhile, Niemierko thinks it’s best not to ask the bride and groom if you need to sneak off for 20 minutes to respond to emails at a Monday wedding. “But I think if you find yourself working at a friend’s wedding, then you really need to question your life choices,” he adds.

Sian says that since her own Wednesday nuptials, she’s attended several midweek weddings. “I think they’re great and because I’m self-employed, I just shuffle my workload around to make it work,” she says. She even has her sister’s wedding coming up, which will be on a Tuesday. “Maybe she was inspired by me, but to be honest, I think it was more about the cost,” she says.