Yahoo News Baywatch review: Dwayne Johnson's reboot sinks
For better or worse, we had high hopes for the Baywatch reboot.
Not only did it boast a great cast in Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron but the early trailers promised Seth Gordon's reboot would come with its tongue firmly in cheek.
It looked like we were in for another 21 Jump Street – an adult comedy that showed reverence to its source while remembering to take the piss out of it.
However, sadly, that is not the Baywatch we've been landed with.
Johnson takes on the David Hasselhoff role as Mitch Buchannon, a lifeguard devoted to keeping the Bay safe with his dependable team, including the slightly quirky CJ Parker (Kelly Rohrbach).
Mitch is forced to take on the obnoxious – and disgraced – former Olympian Matt Brody (Efron) as a PR stunt and, naturally, they fail to hit it off.
But, together with new recruits Summer (Alexandra Daddario) and Ronnie (Jon Bass), Mitch and Brody are forced to put their differences aside when drugs, and then a dead body, are discovered, and Mitch is positive it all links back to wealthy and ambitious entrepreneur Victoria Leeds (Priyanka Chopra).
Can they save the Bay from her dark deeds? The real question would be whether you still care by the time the ludicrously overblown finale arrives, which seems to have swum in from Johnson's Fast & Furious franchise.
What starts so promisingly quickly becomes so generic.
An opening slow motion rescue with Mitch emerging from the ocean carrying an injured surfer, as the title appears in HUGE letters behind him, is pleasingly knowing. But what quickly becomes apparent is that we've seen most of the movie's major gags in its extensive marketing campaign. And the ones we haven't seen weren't included in the trailers for a reason – they just aren't that funny.
What you're left with is a mixture of jokes that don't hold up to repeat viewing and painful ones that go on for far too long, especially one involving the classic comedy trope of an unexpected boner in a compromising position. Even more disappointingly, some of the humour borders on homophobic with punchlines centred on how gross and hilarious it is when two men touch other or – God forbid – kiss.
For an action comedy it suffers from an almost complete lack of revelation, from the already-seen jokes, the peril-free set pieces, to the 'surprise' cameos from original Baywatch stars Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson whose names are right there in the opening credits.
But to borrow a classic parent trope, we're not mad at Baywatch, we're just disappointed.
There are still positives to be found. Johnson and Efron make for an engaging lead duo as they trade insults, including a neat High School Musical dig, and they're supported well by a spiky turn from Daddario who isn't your average love interest, at least not at first.
And when the movie decides to go meta on us, it does so successfully with Brody joking that Mitch's previous adventures (actual Baywatch plots) sound like "a really entertaining but far-fetched TV show", with a few choice swipes at the slow motion runs.
At least we get equal opportunities slow motion. There are as many shots of the insanely ripped bodies of Johnson and Efron as there are of the women in swimsuits, if not more.
There are even some progressive elements in the way it handles its female villain, who was originally written for a male actor.
We're still not quite sure what Victoria's evil plan was – something about privatising the Bay – but it does lead to a choice line when a character says she's crazy: "If I was a man, you'd call me driven," she bites back.
Further potential laughs are confined to the end credits outtakes, which, as 21 Jump Street did, includes a meta gag about a possible sequel.
Baywatch isn't quite stranded at sea when it comes to a follow up, we just hope they'll be ready with something a bit more original.
Director: Seth Gordon; Screenplay: Damian Shannon and Mark Swift; Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Alexandra Daddario, Priyanka Chopra, Kelly Rohrbach, Ilfenesh Hadera, David Hasselhoff, Pamela Anderson; Running time: 116 minutes; Certificate: 15
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