Yahoo News When to take the car keys away from your elderly parents
On a bright afternoon one early spring, my 75-year-old mother drove through north Manchester after dropping off her older sister at a hospital appointment. The streets were entirely familiar to her, the weather was good, and the roads were quiet: perfect conditions for the experienced motorist.
And yet Mum would go on to have a near fatal accident. According to witnesses, her Nissan Micra spun on its axis and ricocheted into a line of parked cars before coming to rest on its roof. Thankfully no one else was hurt – or worse.
For the next three weeks it was touch and go whether Mum would pull through, following injuries to her back and her head. Thankfully, she survived, but the worrying thing was the cause of the crash: Mum had no recollection of the moments before the collision, and accident investigators failed to find any fault with the car. Medical tests found no evidence of a preceding ‘event’ such as a stroke. Could it have been, then, that Mum simply wasn’t paying attention, and had taken her eye off the road?
According to new research published this week, driver error contributes to 42.6 per cent of accidents involving drivers aged over 70. The Department for Transport survey revealed that older drivers involved in serious crashes are more likely to have failed to look properly, compared with motorists of all ages.
There are more than 10 million registered drivers over 70 years old, but in the UK there’s no legal age at which a person must stop driving. Although drivers are legally obliged to apply for a renewed licence at the age of 70, they only repeat this every three years after that, and don’t have to take another test. This begs a broader question – can you do anything if you feel an elderly relative is no longer fit to drive?
It’s not surprising that driving skills can suffer as we age. Deteriorating eyesight, forgetfulness and diminished reaction times are a natural consequence of ageing, not to mention conditions such as dementia and Parkinson’s. But how do we tell an older relative that their driving skills are no longer fit for purpose? You, the child, have become the adult – and your parent might feel infantilised.
Sandi Mann is a senior lecturer in occupational psychology at the University of Central Lancashire. “This is a hard conversation, but you need to stress the gains, not the losses,” she says. “It shouldn’t be done in a combative way. Understandably, your relative might react and think: ‘hang on, I’m being told that I’m past it’. So you need to sit down in a relaxed way, not be confrontational and speak calmly about why you think the time has come to give up driving. But make it a positive conversation – and so keep your tone upbeat.”
You could also point out that it’s cheaper to take a taxi than run a car, and far less stressful. Hence your parent’s independence won’t be lost as a consequence.
GP Adam Simon suggests approaching the subject during a car journey, with your relative at the wheel. “The conversation you have should be triggered by a concern you have over an aspect of their driving – and this will be a way to reinforce it,” he says. “So, on a trip, you’ll get a real sense of where the difficulties are – it could be reaction time, spatial awareness, coping with the stress of driving or a vision issue. Some elderly drivers are forgetful – which may not show itself on familiar routes. So during the drive, encourage them to take you somewhere they don’t normally go and see how they react. Then you will have some evidence on which to base the conversation about their driving.” Simon also suggests asking a driving instructor to accompany you, for an added perspective and to underpin the issue.
My own mother listened to her family beseeching her to hang up her keys – a moral course as much as a practical imperative. But not all parents are as amenable.
Anna is having similar issues with her 79-year-old father. “Dad weaves in and out between the lanes when he’s driving, pulls out dangerously at roundabouts, but is oblivious to people hooting,” she says. “Once, when he dropped me at the local station, someone who’d been travelling in the car behind us tapped me on the shoulder and said: ‘he shouldn’t be on the road’. But if I ever tell Dad he should think about stopping, he gets furious and defensive. He can’t see the problem. So I now simply refuse to get in the car with him. But I do worry as to what might happen.”
Leading road traffic lawyer Nick Freeman insists that safety concerns trump any potential hurt feelings. The solicitor, known as ‘Mr Loophole’ for defending clients including David Beckham against speeding charges, recently teamed up with his brothers to stop his own 84-year-old mother driving. (Her response? “I always listen to what my boys say – and when Nicholas suggested that it was safer for me to stop driving, I accepted what he said. But I do have a younger husband to drive me around.”)
In 2018, Freeman launched a 10-point Road Safety Charter which he believes the Government must adopt in order to cut traffic accidents. “When drivers reach 70 they should have their reaction times and vision tested bi-annually to ensure they are fit,” he says. “I’m often contacted by friends or clients who ask me to speak to an elderly motorist – usually a parent – who they feel shouldn't be driving. They tend to capitulate when I tell them that if they fail to report a medical issue and are then involved in an accident, they face the full wrath of the criminal court and vitiate their insurance.”
If a doctor feels an older patient is at risk of medical issues – even if the older person is not willing to declare them – they can report the patient to the DVLA, although the General Medical Council guidance stresses that this should be a last resort.
According to Freeman, there is no burden for children to step in. “This is something I feel must change,” he says. “That’s why it’s so important to have the conversation. If the driver won’t capitulate you can also report them to DVLA – anonymously if necessary – disclosing the reason for your concern. That doesn’t mean they’ll automatically lose their licence. But it does mean the authorities will investigate the matter.”
