How to fix Ed Miliband

Ed Miliband photographs really oddly, from some angles show that he can look almost like Ross from 'Friends' but mostly he resembles the bastard child of Vulcan MP John Redwood and TV's 'Mr Bean'. An odd appearance is part of Miliband's problem according to Conservative home editor Tim Montgomerie who feels that "Odd Ed" is a far worse label than "Red Ed" and is contributing to make the start of the year tough for the Labour leader, especially as he scored a -17 approval rating in a recent poll.

Part of the problem may be opposition MPs didn't actually pick Ed, it was the union block vote that enabled him to beat his boring but symmetrically- faced brother David. Part of the problem for the adenoidal one is he has yet to prove the doubters on his own benches wrong, which is leading to increasing criticism and disunity from his own side. This week, Shadow Defence Secretary Jim Murphy called on Labour to accept most of the spending cuts so they appear credible on the economy and Miliband's own political guru - Lord Glasman - went public with a critique of Miliband's track record stating that he has "flickered rather than shone and nudged, not led".

[Related story: Ed Milliband in 'Blackbusters' gaffe]

"On the face of it, these look like bad times for Labour and for Ed Miliband's leadership," he wrote. "There seems to be no strategy, no narrative, and little energy. We have not won, and show no signs of winning, the economic argument," he added. "We have not articulated a constructive alternative capable of recognising our weaknesses in government and taking the argument to the coalition." Glasman's criticism is twofold, firstly Ed must win over his MPs and secondly he must have big ideas of his own to create an alternative vision for the country.

The best way to convince his own backbenchers is to best the Government in Parliament, but unfortunately for Ed he has been "owned" by David Cameron at Prime Minister's Question Time too many times. Tony Blair may have led Britain into the most unpopular and damaging war since the Suez Crisis, worshipped Margaret Thatcher and prayed with Dubya Bush but he used to regularly diss any Tory leader who tried it at the dispatch box and Labour MPs loved him for it.

My advice on that score is to watch '8 Mile', the film where Eminem engages in vulgar and savage rap battles in front of an audience of abusive and baying reprobates so not much different to… etc etc. The film also has a particularly decent riling soundtrack that end could listen to, to get pumped and angry. In fact I'd like to see a training montage of Ed, at first learning to form sentences with his mouth rather than his nose, before graduating to full on verbal sparring sessions starting out with easy, weak interviewers like Andrew Marr before moving onto tougher challenges like Lorraine, before having to wax Tony Blair's car and creosote his fence. Of course attacking the opposition is about more than PMQs and Ed did well during the phone hacking scandal, pointing out that Andy Coulson had been the PM's right hand man before becoming too toxic.

Ed needs to get energised as Glasman says, sticking to a consistent line of attack on health cuts, tax avoidance by the super-rich and The City. The announcement at the start of the year that rail fares were rising again, above the rate of inflation, was the perfect opportunity to present a radical, alternative vision for long-suffering commuters, perhaps a return to public sector for the railways, creating a service where all profits are ploughed back into the infrastructure rather than into director's bank accounts. Where was the opposition announcement? Who is the Shadow Transport Secretary? Despite David Cameron's positive approval ratings, the Coalition remains deeply unpopular — meaning the country will be receptive to an alternative vision, where bankers and the mega rich don't call the shots. Ed needs to raise his game, but then he's hardly along in that among the senior figures in the opposition.