Dear Coleen: Fiancee’s friends say our wedding will be too lavish

Dear Coleen

I’m a 40-year-old man and I’m getting married to the love of my life at the end of August. This is a second marriage for both of us and our dating history is very similar.

We both married in our 20s and got divorced in our 30s, and neither of us has kids with our exes. We met each other via a dating app, sparks immediately flew and it’s been great ever since.

My problem is, there seems to be quite a lot of negativity around our wedding from friends of hers and even her sister, who said the celebrations sounded “over the top for a second wedding".

I have gone to town a bit because I want to make my fiancee happy – a big marquee at a country house, bands, DJs, fireworks, the full nine yards. But why not?

Neither of us had a big wedding first time round because we were young and our families couldn’t afford it, but I’ve got a good job and so does my fiancee, so why not make it a day to remember?

I can tell she’s upset by what she’s heard and the general lack of enthusiasm from people who are supposed to care about her.

One of her friends, who’s also a bridesmaid, is being difficult about arrangements for getting to the venue – she’s behaving like the whole thing is an inconvenience. Please advise.

Coleen says

How great that you found each other – and congratulations. Look, if I had a penny for every letter I’ve had from stressed-out brides and grooms over the years, I’d be a rich woman.

If you have a big wedding and invite a lot of people, inevitably some of the guests are going to be a pain. But who cares?

You’re going to a lot of effort and spending a lot of money to celebrate each other and give your guests a fabulous day. Ignore the ­negativity, stay focused on your plans, do it your way and anyone who complains doesn’t have to come to the wedding.

That includes the whiny bridesmaid – it’s not her special day!

It sounds like jealousy and gossipy nonsense to me, which I agree is a shame, but you mustn’t let it spoil the vibe.

Trust me, when you see your fiancee walking down the aisle towards you and you’re dancing at the reception later and hearing all the lovely things people have to say about you both, all this other stuff will fade into insignificance.

Just keep being positive with your fiancee – tell her it’s going to be a great day and you can’t wait to be married to her.

You don’t have to justify your choices to anyone. You both deserve to have the best day of your lives.

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