Yahoo News ‘Everything I did felt weird and different’: TikToker documents her year of ‘sober firsts’
The first time 25-year-old Grace Adams boarded a flight after becoming sober, she was going home for Thanksgiving. She had so much anxiety the night before her trip, she’d had a panic attack and seriously considered paying someone to come with her on the trip to make sure she didn’t succumb to getting a drink.
“I had an early morning flight to avoid the heavy drinking hours,” she told In The Know. “But even at 7 a.m., people were crushing mimosas. I got to the airport way too early and anxiously waited at my gate.”
This flight was part of Adams’s “sober firsts” — moments where a newly sober person experiences something without the ease of their substance. While it can include major life events, the series mostly centers on routine activities.
“When I got sober, everything I did felt weird and different, even though they were things I had done daily for years,” Adams said. “I felt as though I was experiencing them for the first time. I was so used to having some level of comfort because of alcohol.”
Adams is a member of #SoberTok, the TikTok community that has been praised for providing the nuance of what sobriety looks like for different people that wasn’t available before, especially for younger people. Adams documents a lot of this on her TikTok — admitting times when she “missed” alcohol or couldn’t stop thinking about it and moments when she felt as if she was calling her sponsor too much.
“The stigmas and stereotypes [of being sober] were some of the reasons I stayed drinking for so long,” Adams explained. “I could not imagine having fun without it. From an early age, I began associating fun with alcohol.”
Terms like “sober curious” and “alcohol-free” becoming more popular have also helped lessen the stigma against sobriety. Tawny Lara, the author of Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze, explained to In The Know that most people don’t realize their lives revolve around alcohol.
“When our social lives revolve around alcohol, our interpersonal relationships often only have alcohol as the common bond,” she said. “When you take away that common bond and social lubricant, you’re left with yourself. It can feel incredibly overwhelming to show up as your authentic self for the first time.”
That’s what makes “sober firsts” so important to Adams and others who are struggling with addiction.
“It means that you now have a reference point that it is possible to go through that specific experience sober,” Adams added. “It’s an accomplishment.”
There are a number of reasons why experts think young people, more than previous generations, are less interested in drinking. A 2019 Google study found that Gen Z associates alcohol with negative feelings like anxiety and that, in public and while socializing, they’re more likely to think about someone recording and posting them on social media.
Amy Pennay, a senior research fellow at the Centre for Alcohol Policy Research at La Trobe University in Melbourne, told the BBC that when she was studying drinking habits in the early 2000s, she said young people at the time told her they wanted to “get obliterated and have a good time.” But now, she found, young people would rather relax and recharge at home.
After Adams’s flight home for Thanksgiving, she felt relief. She knew she could get on a plane and travel sober again.
But that was only one hurdle. Adams said there are a number of occasions she needed to have sober firsts for that people probably don’t think about, outside of the usual suspects like bachelorettes and parties, such as networking at work functions, experiencing loss — whether it’s a death or a breakup — and watching sport.
Adams said there have been a number of occasions that have called for sober firsts — ones that people probably don’t think about. Besides the usual suspects of bachelorettes and parties, work functions, experiencing loss — whether it’s a death or a breakup — and watching games are other potential situations that might have previously called for a drink.
“There’s a societal expectation to ‘meet for drinks,'” Lara agreed. “People need guidance on navigating those sober firsts.”
For Adams, that involves having someone to call. Before her flight home that one Thanksgiving, she ended up calling a friend who was also sober to help calm her down before boarding.
“The most important thing is that you have to be able to trust them completely and know that you are not burdening them with your ‘problems,'” she said. She also advised coming up with exit strategies and having a set time to leave events.
“If you get uncomfortable or feel triggered to leave, I promise no one cares,” she said.
In August, Adams celebrated one year of sobriety in an emotional TikTok.
“Today is just — it’s gonna make me really sad. Not sad, emotional,” she told her 12,000 followers. “I’m so happy I get to share with all of you.”
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The post ‘Everything I did felt weird and different’: TikToker documents her year of ‘sober firsts’ appeared first on In The Know.
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