‘I was fat, old and widowed – then I found love and lost a stone’

My world collapsed when I lost my beloved wife Kim to ovarian cancer in 2017 when she was just 59. We were happily married for 38 years and had been through so much together over the decades. The loss just felt shattering. Dealing with the grief, I stopped caring about myself, eating junk all day and drinking beer every night.

Our family house just didn’t feel like home without Kim and I suddenly had all this time on my hands. I’d retired from the family structural engineering business by then, and our three children – Chris, 40, Scott, 38, and Mandy, 37 – had left home a long way back.  Without knowing what to do with myself I just kept booking holidays. I took myself off to Spain, the Canaries, Barbados, anywhere really.

Kim had always done all the cooking in our house. It might sound sexist, but I suspect many men of my generation are as hopeless in the kitchen as I was. Once she was gone I didn’t bother learning how to make nutritious meals for myself, instead I lived on chocolate biscuits, Marks & Spencer ready meals, jam doughnuts and – what I have since learned – was a constant stream of easy-to-prepare ultra-processed foods. The only things I ever drank were full-sugar Coca-Cola, Lucozade, strawberry milkshakes and two to three pints of beer every day.

When Kim was alive I was reasonably slim. At 5ft 8in, I used to weigh under 13st and generally bought clothes in a size medium. I was also quite fit, I’d taken up karate when the kids were young. We tragically lost our first-born son, Adam, to cot death aged three months and I’d got into boxing promotion as a way of distracting myself from it. Promoting the sport helped me work through some of the anger and tough emotions that came with that grief. But after Kim’s death, I’d lost my passions and let myself go, not caring how I looked. I didn’t even own scales.

Then I met Ann, 65, who used to work in local government. She was a Welsh widow who had lost her life partner the year before too, also to cancer. We met in Tenerife in 2018, through an organised social group for bereaved people, and we made each other smile again. I like to say we’re an older version of Gavin and Stacey with her living with Wales and me in Essex.

It was wonderful to have someone to enjoy life with again; we went on more holidays and ate at all the best fine dining places, tucking into steak and chips washed down with champagne. It felt like a second chance at life – something to celebrate.

It wasn’t until last year however, in 2023, when Ann and I went to Tenby, Pembrokeshire, and she took a photo of me. Well, my goodness that was a shock. I looked old and fat and like I’d given up on myself.

I wasn’t feeling in great shape either. I went to the GP in August 2023 and was told my blood pressure was high. I weighed too much at 13st 10lb, and a blood test confirmed I was pre-diabetic. Major lifestyle changes were needed.

The GP referred me to the healthy-eating plan Second Nature, which officially uses “behavioural science to retrain the brain”. It sounds fancy, but all it means really is getting more educated about food. And it was free on the NHS.

They sent me a pair of scales which connect to an app on my phone so I could track progress, as well as give me access to an online dietician and chat forum. I made friends virtually and now, we support each other and swap tips. I had never dieted in my life but it didn’t feel hard because everyone was so encouraging.

Now on the programme, I have to make three meals a day, limit my cans of fizzy pop, and make an effort to drink water, about seven glasses a day. Out went the Kit Kats for breakfast. I have things like blueberry pancakes with fruit or wholewheat toast with peanut butter instead.

I’ve swapped pub lunches for salads with chopped-up fruit and nuts for protein. For dinner, I’ve learned how to make things like marinated chicken with chorizo and onion, or grilled ribeye steak with jacket potato, chicken pad thai, and king prawn curry with pilau rice. I’m a plain eater really and I don’t like vegetables but have tried upping my fruit intake to balance this out.

After the first week, I lost 4lb, and after one month I lost 10lb. After three months, I’d lost more, 1st 3lb, and now weigh 12st 7lb. I feel fitter, slimmer and younger than I have in decades. I have managed to stop diabetes from developing, my blood-sugar levels are reduced and my blood pressure is also under control. I feel like I’ve added a decade to my life expectancy.

My children and seven grandchildren are proud of their Grandad P, and Ann jokes it’s like she’s dating a new younger man.

I love walking and lifting light weights. I even went to Vietnam on a yoga retreat earlier this year. I don’t know why people are going mad for weight loss jabs when you can drop pounds the old-fashioned way.

For the first six months of the programme, I cut out alcohol completely, but now I enjoy a couple of pints of beer a week, a glass of Merlot with my dinner, or when I’m out at a restaurant with Ann we will share a bottle of champagne.

Life is too short to have no treats, and at 73, I want to make the most of every moment I have left.  We are booked on a cruise, a trip to Bali and Barbados in the next year. I’m so pleased I’m fit enough to enjoy it.

Pete’s life hacks

Stay active

It’s easy to think you’re too old – you’re not. I started by walking gently every day, then started lifting light weights, and now I’ve joined a local gym. Build up slowly and keep track of your progress to motivate yourself. You can start yoga at any age, it keeps me flexible and calm, too.

Drink water

I never used to drink a drop of water. On the Second Nature programme, it recommends you have two litres a day. I haven’t got up to that yet, but even drinking the seven glasses I now do – and always one glass first thing in the morning – helps make my digestion work better. It’s far less bloating than fizzy drinks – and better for your teeth.

Don’t deny yourself all treats

Life is for living. Especially when you get to your 70s. There’s no point cutting out everything you like, or you won’t stick to it, just don’t go over the top. I still have a couple of pints of beer with friends and champagne with Ann when we eat out. Just everything in moderation.

Keep an old photo to motivate yourself

I still have the picture of me in a hat and too-tight shirt looking rather shoddy. I don’t have it up on my wall but I won’t throw it away. I look at it when I need a reminder of how far I’ve come.

As told to Susanna Galton