First-generation woman opens up about ‘weaponized incompetence’ from immigrant parents

First-generation Americans on TikTok are having a discussion about their parents’ behavior after a user named Hannah Ngo (@hannynutcheerios) posted a video about “weaponized incompetence” in her home.

“I originally thought I had to get a husband in order to experience the true extent of weaponized incompetence, but then I moved back home and realized I’ve actually been subjected to it my entire life,” she said in a TikTok post.

Ngo, a first-generation Vietnamese American, explained how her parents call on her to do several “basic tasks and problem-solving” now that she has moved back home. According to Ngo, her parents say they lean on her because her English is better. Even though Ngo says she understands that technology is evolving and they aren’t native English speakers, she still believes they can do many things by themselves.

“I’m just so tired of hearing my name being echoed throughout the house at least 20 times a day just because they refuse to spend more than 30 seconds trying to figure something out themselves,” she said.

For many of her viewers, this is a common occurrence.

“My mom needs me to baby her and buy her something from amazon like GIRL IVE SHOWED YOU 20 TIMES just follow the steps pls,” replied @.jjxmie.

Even though Ngo says she feels the burden, she did acknowledge that she is grateful for the sacrifices her parents made for her — which can sometimes lead to a variety of challenges for other first-generation Americans.

Saúl Gomez (@saulvgomez), a first-generation Mexican American, made an appearance on the Everything’s Cool podcast to discuss how he has “first-gen guilt” because of all the sacrifices his family made for him.

“I started to feel first-gen guilt after my first job at the post office. That’s when I started making a little bit more money, and I started wanting to go out and travel more,” Gomez told In The Know by Yahoo.

However, Gomez couldn’t take his mother on every trip he wanted to go on, which led to some internal struggles.

“It’s things like that where I wish I could travel more, but I want to bring my parents with me. I just don’t have the money to bring them with me, so I just don’t travel,” he said.

Gomez isn’t the only person in his friend group who acknowledges dealing with the guilt, but they’ve also tried to give him perspective on his feelings.

“He doesn’t believe in first-gen guilt because he feels grateful for all the work their parents put in,” Gomez said.

Whether it’s trying to overcome this sense of guilt or dealing with household dynamics, many first-generation Americans are having conversations online to figure out how to navigate these situations.

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