We found newts right where we are: Ed Sheeran v the amphibians

When it comes to a battle between pop stars and amphibians, it can be hard to pick a side. Ed Sheeran wants to build a 12-metre-tall chapel in the grounds of his Suffolk mansion, but the newts won’t let him; who do you back?

If you have somehow missed this story, the notoriously private Sheeran is reportedly building the flint chapel so that he can marry his fiancee, Cherry Seaborn, in it. However, planning objections have been raised, and a full ecological survey demanded to determine the extent of the great crested newt population in the area. As a protected species, the creatures could thwart Sheeran’s construction plans.

Your initial reaction might be to side with the newts – a building constructed for a single event is, if nothing else, a waste of flint. Can’t Sheeran put up a marquee, like everyone else?

On the other hand, great crested newts are a fabled bugbear of commercial developers, as their mere presence can halt all work at a building site. They are like tiny dragons that hate prosperity. They are also loathed by Brexiters: the EU directive that makes it an offence to harm great crested newts, or their eggs, or their breeding sites is often cited as the sort of excessive environmental red tape that will be expunged after the UK leaves the EU. Last year’s government white paper on housing mentioned great crested newts no fewer than eight times. It has even been alleged – though without evidence – that environmentalists sometimes “plant” them in order to stop developers.

The reason newts are routinely singled out as a barrier to progress is probably that they are harder to love than other, similarly protected species, such as otters or butterflies. Great crested newts have brown, warty skin and males have a jagged crest along their backs. They are also big, for newts: an adult female can reach 16cm in length.

This is not the first time they have upset a singer’s plans. Rod Stewart had to take expensive steps to build a new habitat for the newts on his Essex estate – and introduce measures to stop them returning – in order to get his Olympic-sized swimming pool built. It remains to be seen whether Sheeran and his newts can learn to live together.