The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Let's get married and have kids so instead of going to happy hour you can make a boxed dinner while I figure out common core math homework.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 13, 2018
If you're on the fence about having kids, I suggest you listen to the same youtube clip for five days straight, then see how you feel.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) November 12, 2018
My 4yo asked why she couldn't see the moon. I explained the moon's placement in the sky and Earth rotation. Midway through my impromptu lecture, I heard her softly singing the finger family song. I stopped talking, she kept singing. I never answered her questions again.
— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) November 12, 2018
[Making macaroni and cheese]
5yo: I wanna put the cheese in!
Me, handing her open packet of powder: Okay, can you VERY carefully pour this in?
5yo: *Just fucking waves the packet around like she’s throwing rice at a wedding*— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 13, 2018
It’s like a Murder Mystery Dinner, except it’s my kids giving their individual accounts of how, why and when the toilet became permanently clogged.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 15, 2018
An extreme makeover show, but it’s just people’s cars before and after they have kids.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) November 16, 2018
9: I have a math test today.
Me: Are you ready for it?
9: More like is it ready for me?
Me: Awesome! I bet you’ll get an A.
9: Probably not. I haven’t studied at all.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 15, 2018
3-year-old: *face covered in frosting*
Me: Were you eating cake?
3: No. I just kissed it.— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2018
Someone should invent holiday dinnerware that sets itself on fire when the person eating from it starts to give unsolicited parenting advice or unsought political viewpoints.
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) November 15, 2018
Son: Dad can you help me with this math homework ?
Me: Sure. I was in 7th grade once.
* a month later I’m paying a tutor 3 days a week. 2 days for my son and once a week for me.— Shade 5 🎬 (@Shade510) November 15, 2018
So glad my kids have the day off tomorrow because I really miss hearing arguing between the hours of 8am to 3pm.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 12, 2018
Them: It’s important to teach our children that we expect progress, not perfection.
ME: *looking at teen* I’m proud of you for not calling anybody a butt crack so far today.— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) November 13, 2018
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) November 13, 2018
6yo: The carrots are working!
- my son finding his shoes in a dark room.— Kerry 🌺 (@whatbabytalk) November 15, 2018
“Oooh, since my toddler woke up early this morning he’ll go to bed early!”
Narrator: her toddler, in fact, did not go to bed early.— Housewife'd AF (@PreggersAF) November 15, 2018
No thanks, surround-sound systems. My kids have that covered.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) November 15, 2018
Wish my kids could get their shoes on with the same energy they have at 6am on the weekends.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) November 11, 2018
My son’s letter to Santa could more accurately be described as a list of demands.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) November 16, 2018
Today my child is upset by “All the stuff that doesn’t have wheels.”
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) November 15, 2018
Parenting is mainly just cleaning toothpaste off the bathroom sink.
— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) November 16, 2018
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost.