The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (June 22-28)
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humor lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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Well hold on there just a minute. Someone has just texted me— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) June 22, 2024
top activities if u want to be the center of attention:
1. get married & have a big wedding
2. order a sizzling plate of fajitas at a restaurant— chase (@_chase_____) June 26, 2024
Dates are weird like ok I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview
— 𝙶 𝚘 𝚕 𝚍 𝚒 𝚖 𝚘 𝚌 𝚔 𝚜 (@goldimocks) June 26, 2024
“wow,” said the two-year-old neighbor boy petting one of our cats for the first time, “there are bones in here”
— rachelle toarmino (@rchlltrmn) June 23, 2024
I’m about to start telling people "as long as that makes sense to u" when they say shit that don't make sense to me.
— 222 (@DerikcaDesiree) June 25, 2024
My Mum on football...
Mum "If I was a player I wouldn't want the responsibility"
Me "Of what?"
Mum "The ball. I'd pretend I was busy"— Gail Myerscough (@GailMyerscough) June 25, 2024
me: dating is hard
me on a date: "do not touch" would be scary to read in braille don’t you think— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) June 23, 2024
TSA does NOT want you to be cool pic.twitter.com/jbmmykc0Oi
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) June 22, 2024
was truckin along through this great easy recipe i found for dinner when i got to the instruction ‘ask an adult for help’…i see
— rax ‘leads with her crotch’ king (@RaxKingIsDead) June 23, 2024
Changed my ex’s name in my phone contacts because hearing Siri say, “Your lack of self respect is calling,” while I’m driving is hilarious every single time.
— AlwaysAshley (@AshleyAlready) June 26, 2024
there's nothing that turns me into a boomer faster than when a company's customer service line doesn't give me an option to speak with a real human. no I will not go to your website. I just came from your website. i will kill you
— Clare Blackwood (@clareblackwood) June 23, 2024
woman down the street put headscarves on her afghan hounds and gave them bangs……… i’m writing the grey gardens remake as we speak pic.twitter.com/rRAZKJYyvk
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) June 23, 2024
You should be able to google why a couple broke up
— ˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱‧₊˚ (@bendergirlfrend) June 24, 2024
To the human who added coffee to the word cake justifying the eating of cake for breakfast I salute you unnamed hero
— LorazeKim ™ 🏴☠️🇺🇸🇮🇹🏁 (@_KimberleyAnna) June 26, 2024
Y’all why did I join a Black and Queer meeting… I thought you could be one or the other. The ice breaker was going around the room asking about your queer awakening…
I had to tell them I was just here because I’m Black 😭 I’m so embarrassed— polly. (@polly_ceee) June 26, 2024
Direct deposit on vacay go so crazy. I just bought the island
— Waji (@Tajeline) June 27, 2024
Just read the Ten Commandments for the first time and you can’t do shit with your neighbor
— mrs papaw (@mrsballs69) June 20, 2024
Duolingo should have an "I'm going on holiday to this place very soon" setting so it teaches you "can I have the bill" and so on instead of "the cow boils an egg"
— Helen (@heldutson) June 23, 2024
The fact that shutting the fuck up became so rare it got rebranded as "going nonverbal"
— raina (@quakerraina) June 26, 2024
when i was 6yo my dad got 2 dolls (green and pink) for me and my lil sis. he said sis was younger so she got to choose first. i knew she'd copy whatever i wanted (pink) so i told her wow green one is so cute pls don't choose it so she obv did. that was my first time gaslighting
— sehaj (@sehahaj) June 23, 2024
How dare someone steal my official parking spot that no one knew was mine except me
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 24, 2024
Oh I love her music! pic.twitter.com/TRQ4xlaVEG
— leafy lane 🏒🐭 (@leafylane16) June 22, 2024
a cybertruck is not a truck because a 2 year old boy would never look at it and say "truck!" and that's the test
— Lizzie Logan (@lizzzzzielogan) June 23, 2024
i think it’s only fair that the chiefs reciprocate this energy and put taylor in for a drive
— sophie🤍 ⸆⸉ (@sophitgoesss) June 23, 2024
came out of my bathroom and the guy i’m seeing was waiting to go in and i meant to say “knock yourself out” but i’m so tired and wine drunk that i forgot how the phrase goes so i accidentally said “kill yourself” instead
— flower face (@flowerfacemusic) June 24, 2024
Please hesitate to reach out to me.
— Amanda B (@amandajpanda) June 26, 2024
On my flight back to DC both pilots are women which sparked a debate amongst our group about whether using the term “cockpit,” was appropriate. We decided to call it a “clitpit,” which also makes it hijack-proof since male hijackers would never be able to find it.
— 𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖_𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 (@SundaeDivine) June 23, 2024
I just ordered a bunch of tapas and other dishes in a restaurant in Seville and whilst still ordering the waiter put his hand up and said “enough.” 😭
— Joëlle Thee Editor 🇬🇭 (@Joelle_o) June 26, 2024
just got CPR certified if yall know anyone dead or dying tell them hml
— . (@NoEmmeG) June 26, 2024
being productive at work is EASY with a disciplined routine: I spend the first 6 hours doing nothing at all, and the final 2 hours in absolute SICKO mode with the fear of god inside me
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) June 24, 2024
Unfriending someone isn't enough, I need the guitar hero crowd to boo at them
— 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𓍊𓋼𓍊 (@c0ttageapple) June 26, 2024