Yahoo News 'I'm sorry I left you' - Tina Malone reveals husband's heartbreaking final text to her and 10-year-old daughter
Tina Malone has revealed the tragic final text message her husband sent her and her 10-year-old daughter before taking his own life.
Paul Chase, 41, an army veteran, passed away in March this year, leaving actress Tina and their daughter Flame heartbroken. In an exclusive interview with the Mirror, Tina has opened up about his death for the first time, revealing that he committed suicide after struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
In a final message to his wife, which she did not receive until after the police arrived at her home to break the devastating news, he told her: "I am sorry my love, you made my life perfect".
Paul, who served with the 22nd Regiment of the Cheshires during his decade-long army career, began his final message: "Tina, my amazing wife." He continued: "The most amazing woman I’ve ever met, I love you unconditionally you gave us our beautiful daughter . . I love you Flame more than you'll ever know."
When Tina first saw the message on March 13, police officers were already in the front room of her Liverpool home. Paul had failed to come home the previous night.
Speaking to the Mirror, Tina, who first found fame in Brookside playing Mo McGee, said: "His last texts were sent at about 4am but I have an old phone and they didn’t come through straight away. When they finally arrived the police were already at my house breaking the news that he’d gone."
In his last ever text to Tina and Flame, who were about to leave for the school run when the police arrived, he told his little girl: "I am sorry I left you, you lit up my life every time I saw you. I’m sorry." To Tina, he wrote: "Please forgive me and one day when you are up here with me we will meet again. Xxx"
The message added: "I love you Tina, I will visit you when I find a way. I am sorry my love, you made my life perfect, throughout the chaos. Xxx I will come and visit you and Flame in spirit. Please forgive me xxx"
Later this year, Tina will mark Paul’s birthday on May 28 by launching a charitable foundation, Paul’s Flame, in his name. "It’s a very different charity with a board of 12 and it’s going to shine the light on people in poverty, in crisis, in need, who need cold, hard, cash," she explained.
She added: "It’s the hardest time of my life, but I have to bring some positivity out of this."
Tina said the couple had "been through hell" in the 12 months before Paul died. "He had felt so lost, so useless. He couldn’t fight any more," she said. "I’m not ashamed of what Paul did. I will always be proud of the man I married."
Speaking about her reasons for setting up the foundation, Tina said: "We have to talk more about suicide - that’s why I am speaking out now. It is the biggest cause of death in men under the age of 50 but there is still a stigma around it; there’s not enough support."
She added: "I don’t want Flame to be defined as the daughter of a man who took his own life, but as the daughter of a wonderful dad and a man who served his country."
Nicknamed ‘Chevy’ by his army pals thanks to his surname Chase, Paul first met Tina at a fitness boot camp in 2009. Tina recalled: "It wasn’t love at first sight - I hated him!" She explained: "He was a personal trainer and he’d knock on my door in this building in the Peak District and go: ‘right - you’ve got 15 minutes to get downstairs. You’re late.’
"I thought - ‘hang on, I’m being paid to be here. If I don’t want to go white water rafting I don’t have to! He got on my nerves so much that after three days I thought, ‘that's it, I’m going home’."
But, persuaded to stay on, the relationship began to thaw and the final day saw them paired together on an eight hour walk. "He was teasing me with Jelly Babies," she laughs. "We chatted about his Army service, particularly Iraq."
Despite Tina having just been in Celebrity Big Brother, Paul did not recognise her. The couple bonded and had their first date soon after They moved in together 13 days later.
A total of 600 guests attended their Manchester wedding and the couple went on to have daughter Flame, thanks to IVF treatment, when Tina was 50 years old. When the consultant warned her against IVF on health grounds and warned Paul how emotional and highly strung the treatment would make her, neither of them were fazed.
Tickled by Paul’s inability to be starstruck, Tina said: "He wasn't impressed by anyone or anything. We would go to George Michael’s aftershow party and he’d say ‘lovely do George, but I’m getting off to watch the boxing on the telly’.
"I remember once - we had not long had Flame - we were staying in a hotel and Meryl Streep was in the next room. We bumped into her and Paul just said: ‘here, hold the baby while I take the pictures.’ To Meryl Streep! And she did! I guess the bigger the star the less grandiose they are.
"But that was Paul - people recognised there was no side to him. He was just lovely and gentle and kind."
A devout Catholic, Tina - who has overcome a drink problem and depression - said he was an "incredible" dad to Flame. Tina commented: "He was hands on. He bathed her, fed her and made her scream laughing. Yes, there were times when, if I was away, he’d send her to ballet class in her gym kit - that’s blokes for you - but the older she got the closer they grew."
Sadly, though, Paul’s inner demons began to emerge and he self-medicated with drink, drugs and even smoking - which he’d never done before. Diagnosed with PTSD three years ago, Tina blames the horrors of war.
She said: "If you've been at war and you can't count how many people you killed. How do you come back from that? He loved the Army but it left him scarred."
Paul had been working with a community care programme for troubled teens, but that dried up. He stopped going to the gym and she says he "went from a one glass of red wine sort of bloke to drinking bottles of anything".
Taking anything from prescription drugs to cocaine, borrowing money and lying, he became so difficult to live with that they briefly split up - but soon reconciled because "the love was always still there".
As he hit rock bottom, Paul made attempts on his life and was admitted to psychiatric hospital, but Tina said bed pressures saw him transferred to a community mental health facility that was under pressure. He also received help for veterans battling addiction and worked with The Block, a community interest group which helps armed forces veterans. Sadly, it wasn’t enough.
According to figures for suicide rates among armed forces veterans, compiled by the Office for National Statistics, in 2021 (the most recent year) deaths by suicide among male veterans aged 35 to 44 - Paul’s age group - per 100,000 were higher than those in the general population - with 33.5 deaths, compared to 18.8 among non-veterans.
Tina said: "Years ago, if you tried to commit suicide, whether you were in prison or on the street, they’d take you in, put you in a cell with a strait jacket on. They did everything to stop you from committing suicide. Nowadays they don’t. I wonder why that is. I wonder why no one stops you."
At home, Paul's toothbrush remains in the bathroom, his coats are still hanging up and his gym bag remains in the hall. But Tina is acutely aware that the man she loved, who wrote those final texts with such tenderness, is never coming back.
She said: "I miss him touching me, I miss his dancing, kissing me in the living room to make Flame go ‘eugh!’ I don’t think I will ever stop crying and I will never ever love or be loved like that again. But we had more in 15 years than some people get in a lifetime together. I cling on to that."
To find out about mental health support for veterans go to https://www.icaruscharity.org/ or for urgent help call the Samaritans’ 24 hour helpline on 116123
