Kelly Clarkson Says the 'Pain' That Inspired Her Post-Divorce Album Can 'Still Feel Real Fresh'

"You have to learn to let that go and live in the moment, whatever it is," Clarkson told Entertainment Weekly of preparing emotionally to perform Chemistry live

Performing her upcoming album Chemistry is proving to be emotional for Kelly Clarkson.

After previewing the record at a recent Los Angeles concert in celebration of her 41st birthday, the Grammy-winning musician spoke to Entertainment Weekly about the difficulty of singing its songs in a live setting.

"The emotions kind of murdered me," Clarkson told the outlet one week following the concert, during which she paused and apologized to the crowd after getting overwhelmed.

She described the rehearsals as "pretty flawless and easy and great," noting that she was "almost proud" of herself before the show. "And then all of a sudden it was just like a wave washed over me."

Related:Kelly Clarkson Reveals Scorching Breakup Song Lyrics: 'Your Insecurity Was the Death of You and Me'

Her first album since getting divorced from ex-husband Brandon Blackstock following nearly seven years of marriage, Chemistry finds Clarkson in a "very honest" space, she told the outlet, but she did scrap some songs that were "too truth-telling."

"I know people will hear this record and be like, 'Oh, damn, she went there!' and I'm like, 'No, I promise you I didn't,'" she said in the interview.

The record was written a few years back but held until Clarkson was ready to release it, and she's looking forward to sharing the music with fans who can relate to its lyrical content.

"No matter what album you're listening to, it is kind of nice to have these people that went through stuff that other people are going through, and you just don't feel alone in it," she said. "Because I'll tell you what, that's the worst: when you're in a crowded room or you're smiling for America while doing your job and you just feel so sad and alone. That's the worst feeling ever."

Related:Kelly Clarkson Announces 'Intimate' Las Vegas Residency Tied to New 'Chemistry' Album: 'So Excited'

In addition to releasing the album on June 23, she's currently gearing up for a Las Vegas residency in July and told EW she's working to prepare herself for the emotions that'll inevitably come up during the performances.

Clarkson said she's previously had to adapt to singing vulnerable songs like "Because of You," "Piece By Piece" and "Behind These Hazel Eyes" and knows this will be a similar process. "It just takes time to... not really separate, but to get to where you can remember it but you don't drown in it," she said. "You dive in, but you're treading water."

While she'd "love to be the brave person that says, 'I'm gonna kill it in Vegas,'" she's not sure how it'll go following her birthday concert.

"Pain can still feel real fresh when one is still, daily, trying to come out on the other side. I don't have control over it," Clarkson told EW. "But what I do have control over is the fact that I know I don't have control over it, so it's fine. It's supposed to be what it's supposed to be. You have to learn to let that go and live in the moment, whatever it is."

Related:Kelly Clarkson Details New Album 'Chemistry': 'The Arc of an Entire Relationship'

The American Idol alum recently unveiled the first two singles from Chemistry, "Mine" and "Me," and spoke about the songs on social media with a heartfelt post.

"Having chemistry with someone is an incredible, and overwhelming, feeling. It's like you have no choice in the matter. You are just drawn to each other. This can be good and bad," Clarkson's Instagram post began at the time.

"This album takes you down every path that chemistry could lead you down. We decided to release "mine" and "me" at the same time because I didn't want to release just one song to represent an entire album, or relationship," she continued. "There are many stages of grief and loss on this album. Each song is a different stage and emotional state."

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