Long-distance love: how students make it work

Rebecca Mitchell, 19, is studying English literature and drama at the University of East Anglia and her girlfriend, Shaneeqwa Haywood, 22, lives in Birmingham.

My friend played Cupid and set us up six months ago. We’ve been long-distance from the beginning. We were in touch for four weeks before we met in person, when Shaneeqwa came to visit.

At first, we sent messages, then we moved on to phone calls and then FaceTime. We’d be up until 3am FaceTiming each other and it was just getting silly. I don’t think we would have met in person if it wasn’t for FaceTime – it gives you that validation that you’re not talking to a weird person. We spoke about our family, past relationships and anything under the sun. I just wanted to speak to her all the time.

When we finally met, I was very nervous. She got off the coach and it was surreal, but she wasn’t majorly different from what I’d seen online. I was expecting it to be awkward, but it wasn’t. We hung out, went to the shops, watched Netflix, talked and enjoyed each other’s company. It was like being on FaceTime but in real life, and we were in the same headspace from the off. It’s quite rare to find somebody who’s just as invested as you are.

Since then, we’ve downloaded every app you can think of – Twitter, WhatsApp, Facebook – and we’ll have five different conversations going. I knew it would work out because she’s hilarious. She’s very chilled and I’m quite an anxious person, so she calms me down.

Leda Olia, 22, who studied sociology at the University of Edinburgh and is about to start a master’s at Oxford, is in a relationship with Ben, 23, who lives in London.

I met Ben at a bar through mutual friends during my second year in Edinburgh. We clicked immediately and got exclusive quickly, which was strange and quite funny. For two summers we did long-distance when I went back to Boston, where I’m from. And then last year we were long-distance while I was in Edinburgh and he was working in London.

When I was in America, we would send letters to each other, which sounds cheesy but it was really fun. For me, it was easier to say lovey-dovey things in a letter than in person.

We also WhatsApp a lot and speak on FaceTime every day. It’s important because you get face-to-face contact and see body language. We send photos – like a photo of dinner, or of a dog or something we saw. It’s also good to tag each other on silly things on Facebook or Instagram, because it adds a bit of personality.

Before the internet, things would have been a lot harder. My parents say all the time that we’re lucky we have all this technology to be able to keep in touch. It makes it so easy. But it also means you worry if you don’t hear back.

When you’re long-distance it’s important to surprise each other. For example, Ben said he couldn’t come to my final choir concert. But the day before, I was sitting in my room watching Netflix and he walked in. It was really nice, but also scary, because I didn’t have any food in the house and hadn’t cleaned anything.

Samuel Brown, 19, is studying English at the University of Exeter. He’s in a relationship with Kimberley Ashwood, 18, who lives outside Cardiff.

We’re from the same village but we’re both at university – I’m in Exeter and she’s in Cardiff. I’ve gone two hours in one direction and she’s two hours in the other.

We didn’t get together until a couple of weeks before we left. Of the pair of us, I was more scared over whether we could handle a long-distance relationship. But I really liked her and we had been friends before we got together.

About every fortnight we go home and meet up. When we see each other, we have a laugh, go for meals and relive sixth form, which is fun.

I am utterly useless when it comes to technology. I’m told that you can turn on something called notifications on your phone. I never turned them on before because I knew it would distract me endlessly, but she’s convinced me it’s a good idea. I normally just can’t stand notifications: they drive me absolutely mad. But it’s one of those compromises you make. It’s really helped. It was a bit of a problem before because it would come across like I was ignoring her, when I wasn’t intentionally.

Long-distance has gone well so far. We meet and talk regularly. It’s basically like your best friend moving to a different city: you see them a bit less frequently, but it’s OK.

Samaiyah Lewis, 18, is studying psychology at Clark Atlanta University. Her girlfriend from school, Jada Terrell, 18, is in Chicago.

We’ve been dating for two years and I just moved away for university. It’s been hard because in Chicago we worked and lived together. But we call each other every day and we text, so we’re still connected. It’s just different because we can’t see each other physically. We also send each other our schedules, so we know what we’re both doing, even though we’re not physically together.

The hardest things are the physical things, like not being able to hug and kiss my girlfriend. It’s a different kind of appreciation – when someone is away and then they come back, you just appreciate it more. We hang out, get breakfast and stuff.

People say absence makes the heart grow fonder and I think it’s true. On Monday, my girlfriend sent me flowers. That was really nice because it’s not easy to send flowers from a different state. It’s good to know she’s thinking about me. Overall, I think communication is the core of being in a long-distance relationship.

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