Yahoo News 'It Means More Than I Can Put Into Words': The Memory Boxes Comforting Bereaved Parents After Baby Loss
When Jade Millner, 32, and her partner lost their three-month-old baby Peter at the beginning of 2020, they were left heartbroken.
Tragically, one year later, the couple faced another devastating loss when their son Oscar was stillborn at 25 weeks.
“That time cannot be put into a simple sentence,” says Millner, who is from Hertfordshire. “It was the most traumatic time, one where I didn’t see an ending to our grieving.”
The couple were consumed by grief, to the point where Millner says she no longer knew who she was and what life meant anymore.
In amongst the darkness, the pair found comfort in a simple memory box provided by SiMBA, a charity which supports bereaved parents after baby loss.
The couple’s box contained a knitted teddy bear and butterfly that matched what would be placed with their baby in his coffin. There were also some prints taken of his hands and feet.
“Being able to leave the hospital with something we knew was also with Oscar helped so very much,” says Millner.
Some of the items placed in the box Jade Millner and her partner received after her son's stillbirth.
“The memory box has been more than we ever thought it could be. We still kiss the teddy bear every single day, we have the prints in a frame to look upon.
“We feel a part of Oscar will always be with us and the memory box has helped that so very much. I cannot imagine not having these gifts.”
Unfortunately this is a reality that some parents may face in the future, as the charity behind the boxes has revealed it faces closure because of the cost of living crisis and a surge in demand.
There were 2,597 stillbirths in 2021, an increase of 226 from 2020. Meanwhile estimates suggest there are 250,000 miscarriages every year in the UK.
The charity, which has supported 10,000 families in the past year alone, said it will be forced to close its doors in three months if it’s unable to raise enough funding to continue its work.
After an appeal at the start of December to raise £220,000, 80% of the target has been reached so far. The charity now needs to raise the remaining amount to keep its operation going.
Fiona Lindsay, 37, had been pregnant with a very severe form of preeclampsia, which meant she had to be induced and give birth to her daughter in order to save her own life.
“It was a very scary and uncertain time for me and my family,” she says.
Sadly her daughter didn’t make it. Lindsay, who is from St Boswells in the Scottish Borders, says she was brought a memory box after her daughter was born in November 2012.
“I instantly felt like I wasn’t alone and the only mother in the world going through such a devastating loss,” she recalls.
Her memory box included a blanket for her baby to use in the hospital that she could then take home, a candle for her to light in remembrance of her daughter and a teddy. She also received prints from her daughter’s hands and feet.
“The box and the support I received mean more to me than I can put into words. They made me feel normal for wanting to spend as much time as I could with my daughter and make memories with her and my family,” she says.
“Leaving hospital without my baby is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but having my memory box meant I wasn’t completely empty-handed.”
Fiona Lindsay with her memory box and baby's hand and footprints.
Ten years on, she still looks at the memory box and adds things to it from the remembrance services that the charity holds.
“It’s so incredibly special to me and I will be forever grateful that I received it,” she says.
The memory boxes the charity currently provides include clay imprint kits; birth acknowledgement certificates; a letter from another parent who has also experienced child loss, and items knitted by volunteers such as teddies and blankets.
The boxes are donated to hospitals and hospices across the UK and Ireland so they can be gifted to parents on request, helping them at their critical time of loss.
More than 50,000 memory boxes have been gifted by the charity since 2005, with an 83% increase in demand in the past three years.
George's tiny handprints.
Keeley Lengthorn, 40, from Kent, and her husband William, lost their son George at 22 weeks on March 3, 2022. He was the couple’s third loss – “our IVF miracle and our only surviving embryo,” she says.
“Our world crashed around us. One minute your dream is so close and you think it will finally come true and then it drops off a cliff in the blink of an eye.
“The day George was born it was the happiest and saddest and most painful moment of our lives all rolled into one. No one can prepare you for the eerie painful silence when your baby is born sleeping.”
The pair received an “incredible” amount of support from SiMBA as well as the charity Sands and specialist baby loss counselling from Abigail’s Footsteps.
“All of these amazing charities continue to help and guide us today, nearly one year on,” she says.
They also received a memory box after George was born. “It gave us great comfort to sit and look at its contents, with George, at the bereavement suite in the hospital,” she says.
“The prints and the photos we cherish every day. The hospital are just not able or equipped to provide these, and so if it wasn’t for SiMBA we would not have these precious memories.
“I was able to use the prints to have a heart shaped necklace made with George’s print on, so I can wear this around my neck and George is then close to me every day.”
Help and support:
Sands works to support anyone affected by the death of a baby.
Tommy’s fund research into miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth, and provide pregnancy health information to parents.
Saying Goodbye offers support for anyone who has suffered the loss of a baby during pregnancy, at birth or in infancy.
