Mind healing: why you should let your face ‘speak’ freely

In 1975, Edward Tronick presented a paper at the Society for Research in Child Development. The experiment he described was simple, but the results were dramatic. In fact, his findings still influence the way psychologists think about human learning, particularly about how emotion and cognition are intertwined, and how relationships can best be maintained throughout our lives.

Tronick and his team at the Children’s Hospital Medical Centre in Boston invited mothers to interact normally with their baby – to smile, coo, play peek-a-boo or whatever they enjoyed. They were then asked to assume a still face – a neutral expression showing no reaction at all – whatever the baby did.

The change in the previously happy infants was almost instantaneous. At first, they seemed confused, often looking away and back again as if by doing so, things might improve. They would then appear to “plead” with their mother for a reaction, trying out behaviours that had previously received a favourable response such as smiling winningly or clapping their hands. When these behaviours failed, the babies became visibly agitated. Some screamed or tried to grab their mother’s face. Still receiving no reaction, they would start to cry and/or appear to “give up”. 

All this happened in less than three minutes. 

Since that trial, Tronick’s findings have been replicated and extended. Darwin Muir and colleagues at Queen’s University in Canada have shown this sequence of reactions to be so robust that it occurs when the mother isn’t actually present – that is, when the baby watches on a screen – and when the still face is assumed by care-givers or strangers. 

Relationship psychologists such as John Gottman at the University of Washington and Sue Johnson at the University of Ottawa describe the same sequence of reactions to expressionlessness from a couple whose relationship is in difficulty.

These findings are important because they demonstrate how powerfully humans are “wired” to understand others and furthermore, that they learn best when they know the other person is genuinely trying to understand them.

This interaction – now referred to by psychologists as the “serve and return” – also shows the interdependence of emotion and cognition. When we think no one is trying to understand us, we become stressed, unable to concentrate or learn new things. If this happens repeatedly, especially when children are very young, it can lead to apathy, little enthusiasm to learn, even a total loss of interest in everything around them. 

The best way, therefore, to maintain strong, positive relationships and foster optimal development in others is to spend time with them, listening carefully and trying to understand their feelings and intentions. Perfect understanding is great when it happens – although Tronick estimates most parents only achieve that about 20 per cent of the time.

However, a perfect response isn’t nearly as important as demonstrating your desire to understand and respond appropriately to others, particularly those in the relationships you value most.

• Linda Blair is a clinical psychologist. To order her book, The Key to Calm (Hodder & Stoughton), for £12.99, call 0844 871 1514 or visit books.telegraph.co.uk. Watch her give advice at telegraph.co.uk/wellbeing/ video/mind-healing