Yahoo News RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 8 queen Monica Beverly Hillz on stepping back from drag for activism: 'It drives me'
Monica Beverly Hillz is stepping back, back, back from drag again — but for a good cause, following her heartbreaking elimination from RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 8.
The season 5 alum — and trans trailblazer — reveals to EW's Quick Drag podcast in a candid exit interview that performing as a drag queen isn't her career focus at the moment, especially as anti-trans and anti-drag legislation raises red flags for the queen community around the country.
Below, Monica tells us why she's channeling her energy into activism over nightclub performances, what she would've done if All Stars 8 kicked off with the traditional talent show, and reacts to the moment she found out that her close friend, Naysha Lopez, voted for her to be eliminated from the competition. Read on for Monica's full Q&A, and tune in to the next new episode of RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 8 Friday on Paramount+.
Paramount+ Monica Beverly Hillz on 'RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 8'
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: You had amazing looks for the runways, but for the challenge, it was girl groups, which is a change to All Stars' format. Were you surprised by that?
MONICA BEVERLY HILLZ: You can see it on my face: I was gooped and gagged! I came into this having already watched a few episodes of All Stars, so [I thought] it was going to be the talent show and the reading challenge, so, as the girls were coming in, I was reading them in my head.
What were your reads?
They gave us the RuPaul filter, because half the girls did not look as gorgeous as they look on camera. That's all I'm going to say.
Did you have a talent prepared if it was a talent show?
Yeah. I was going to dance, because a lot of people don't know that I'm a dancer. I've been dancing since 13 in professional dance groups. That's how I knew Naysha. I was going to do a cute little dance number.
Preparing for the challenge, you told Naysha that you were in your head, but it didn't appear that you were struggling that much. What did you mean?
Girl groups, ugh, it's a lot of pressure because not only are you performing for yourself, but you have to be concerned with everybody else in the group. You have to be cohesive. It wasn't necessarily about me being in my own head about myself, it was about the group, because we might be judged as a group. I wasn't that confident with the choreography, I felt that it was all over the place.
Did you voice your concern?
Yes! One thing about Monica this time, I don't have a filter. I said it a couple of times and then I was cursing a couple of times, and I had an attitude about it.
That's where the nerves came from in the challenge? It felt disjointed?
Yeah. And seeing the other group perform, they were being themselves and everything fell together so good.
Do you think you would've fared better in the other group?
Yes, definitely, because I love choreography, but what I do best is be myself. I felt like our group, I was just trying to get it done instead of having fun with it.
Kandy, Jimbo, and Heidi strategized and formed an alliance out of the gate — were you aware of this, or were they trying to hide it?
I'm a girl from the streets, so I'm very aware of my surroundings. These girls tour a lot together, they're together a lot, so, it's like, why would they not have an alliance coming into this? I know how this game works. I played it as if everybody had an alliance.
At judging, Michelle said she could feel your nerves, and you got emotional. How did it feel, getting those critiques, and why do you think it impacted you so much to the point that it made you cry?
Because you come into this and you want to do everything right, you want to be perfect, and the girl group threw me off my game…. I know the judges felt it. Watching it back, I'm cringing. If I didn't know this girl, I'd be like, 'Poor her, she's too in her head, she needs to let go and have fun with it.' I care this time around, I'm very serious about my craft, so, being judged again, being in that same spot that I was judged in so many years ago was like PTSD for me. What do I do? Do I just stay quiet or let them know how I feel? I felt overwhelmed, not even with the competition, but with myself and being in this moment, being here 10 years later.
Is it more difficult receiving those critiques now?
Yeah, because people hold you to a standard, and you hold yourself to a standard. You think about all the trans babies that look up to you and all the mothers that hit you up, you're an idol in their eyes, all of that goes into effect. You're being judged and you're like, I may have just ruined this moment and I worked so damn hard to be in this position.
You said in our prior interview that you almost quit drag. Did leaving All Stars give you that same outlook?
I am always going to be Monica Beverly Hillz, that's my drag persona, but in the time we're at, I feel I'm going to get more out of my voice with my activism. Right now, that's my No. 1. It drives me and makes me look forward to stuff every day. Helping others has helped me in the long run. I love drag, I'm always going to be a drag queen, you'll see me here and there doing gigs, but, I can't lie, that's not my No. 1 go-to at the moment. There's so much going on with trans individuals in the media, my voice needs to be focused toward that right now.
Let's talk about Untucked. Alexis broke down over her prior reception. How did you feel about that?
It was a lot going on in that room, and when that happened, it threw me for a loop. [I thought], now it's going to be like, which bitch can have the most camera time? I felt kind of disgusted at the moment with her, but what can I expect? We're in a reality show, we're taping a god damned show, a lot of stuff is going to happen that's not okay with me. I felt like, there she goes, stealing the show! It was supposed to be Kahanna's moment, and then all of that happened. When she started crying, I was like, well, there goes that girl, back in her season, coming out again.
Are you okay with Alexis now?
Yes! One thing I can say about this cast: we're very shady, but we're always open to conversations about how it made [us] feel. We're very close. On season 5, you'd see the girls on the road, but [All Stars 8 has] group messages, we're always cheering each other on with words of encouragement. I really do like this cast.
In Untucked, Naysha told Kandy she couldn't vote for you because of your relationship, but she did vote for you. Did you have a conversation afterward?
We did, last week at press after we saw it. I was kind of hurt, I'm not going to lie, and I'm the kind of person that, I don't care where we're at, if the moment is the moment, I'm going to bring it to you. What I'm not going to do is twit and twat. I don't fight on Instagram and do all that ghetto stuff, that's not me. If you're around me, we're going to address the situation whether you like it or not. I brought it to her. Me and Naysha have known each other so long, I feel like she didn't take it seriously. I was told you didn't vote for me, and I find out on TV you did vote for me. That kind of put a little bit of a bad taste in my mouth. But me and Naysha have that type of relationship. We've known each other for years, she knows how I feel about it, and if we were ever put back in this position, I'd definitely vote her out.
You didn't find out until the premiere?
Yes, because the girls write you letters at the end, and it was said over and over, "I didn't vote for you," but the people who did vote for me let me know, and I was okay with that. I think that's why I'm close with Kandy because Kandy let me know off the bat what it was, and you can't help but respect people who are letting you know.
It can be scary to confront that in a personal relationship.
Oh, it is. She knows how I am. I'm the kind of person that can apologize, but I do kind of hold a grudge until I'm ready to let it go. That's where we are at the moment.
You haven't let it go?
Hell no! I'm Puerto Rican. But I will, though, when I want to. On my time. I will.
That's how families work things out. You'll get through it eventually! Can you take me back to the moment Aja pulled your lipstick, revealing the group voted you out? What ran through your mind at that moment?
It didn't hit me that the girls voted for me until I got back to the hotel room. I was already in my head; I was so nervous…. All I hear is myself shaking because I'm so nervous.
World of Wonder/Paramount+ Monica Beverly Hillz's 'RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars 8' promo look.
Does it hurt more coming from the judges or your sisters when you're eliminated?
Coming from the girls, of course. It makes me go back to being in elementary school when you were bullied on and not the cool kid…. It was like, also, excuse my language, f--- them bitches, they missed out. So, whatever, they wanted me to go home? That's on them.
We still have the Fame Games twist, and we got to see you walk the runway in your Net Gala look on the next episode!
I love that part. I was happy about it, in the mix of it I was like, 'Eff the Fame Games, I wanted to win the $200,000, it's not fair.' But, as the pain goes away and the light comes back in your life, you have to realize, damn, I have an opportunity to win $50,000 and be the first to win the Fame Games.
What can you tease about your runways coming up?
With my looks, I was involved with all of them this time around, they came from me and the designers. They show Monica 2.0 and how much I've evolved in my hair, makeup, and my drag as a whole, and who I am as a person.
Subscribe to EW's Quick Drag podcast for recaps of RuPaul's Drag Race, including reactions with the cast, special guests, and more.
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