Safety first: six smartphone rules every kid needs to know

Your child getting their first smartphone is a rite of passage in 21st-century British life. If you’re a parent like me, you’ll be used to the constant chatter about “when” this hallowed day will be.

Research from Childwise has found 53% of seven-year-olds have their own mobiles, increasing to 90% by age 11. In our house my daughters – Amelia, 13, and Leila, 11 – both got their phones aged 11. Their younger brother Joseph, nine, is still waiting patiently.

“Just as we teach our children to wash their hands or cross the road, they need to be taught – and reminded – how to use the digital world safely,” says parenting expert Kathy Weston, founder of Tooled Up Education. “Kids need to understand that a phone is a big responsibility and they need to learn how to handle that.”

Try these smartphone guidelines to share with your kids and ensure there is never another cross word about phone use again. Wishful thinking? Maybe. But these six rules might lead to a slightly easier life ...

1. Working together on the rules
We sat down together and worked on a contract. There was give and take – I relented on “only use your phone downstairs” and they accepted parental controls. We regularly tweak the contract to reflect their age.

“Aim for transparency and openness,” advises Weston. “If our children understand we have their best interests at heart and share a strong, trusting relationship with us from that first phone purchase, it will be a positive experience.” A good starting point is Vodafone’s digital family pledge, which offers great tech house rules.

2. Safety first
While online safety is essential, the advice can feel overwhelming. “But internet safety doesn’t have to be complicated and time-consuming,” says cybersecurity expert Jonny Pelter, founder of Simple Cyber Life. “First, check your mobile device settings and ensure screen lock and software updates are turned on, plus secure browsing.”

Any mobile will have parental controls to help you manage what your child does online and the main mobile providers automatically block 18+ rated content (the filter doesn’t apply on wifi). My girls also understand I may check in on their phone occasionally and they need to ask before downloading apps.

“A phone is not a locked diary; it is a gateway to the wider world,” says Weston. “Over time, as trust builds, teens can have more privacy as the extent of parental scrutiny changes.”

3. No phones in your bedroom at night
This is the one golden rule I will never, ever back down on. “One of the main things that affects children’s sleep is gadgets in their rooms at night,” says Weston. The Journal of Youth Studies has found one in five adolescents regularly wake at night to check social media or messages and are three times more likely to feel “constantly tired” at school.

In our house, we’ve agreed on no phones after 8.30pm and have a family charging station in the kitchen.

4. Remember you can always call your parents, no matter what
It’s really important your kids know they can phone you whenever they need. Figuring out data use is part of this and it has definitely been a learning curve for us. Amelia was originally on pay-as-you-go and once when she needed to call me she found she had run out of data! Luckily the “emergency” was buying an ice-cream on a park trip.

As giving your child a phone is part of keeping them safe, consider an unlimited data plan so they can always get hold of you, plus have access to apps such as Maps. I found data limits were hard for the kids to understand, so unlimited has made life simpler.

Related: When is the right time to let your child have their first phone?

5. Get social media savvy
Love it or hate it, social media is here to stay. In our house we use “How would Granny react?” as a gauge on how to behave online. Tell them to turn off location and be sure you both understand the privacy and safety settings for different platforms, plus how to block and report.

“Ensure privacy settings are tight enough and educate your kids on security hygiene such as not oversharing personal data,” says Pelter. “Obviously ensure they only accept friend requests from people they know in real life.”

6. You’re really lucky to have a smartphone
Finally, it’s important for kids to understand that having a phone is a total luxury. Research from the Office for National Statistics has found that 700,000 young people in the UK live in “digital poverty”, with no access to a device or the internet at home.

Tell your kids about Vodafone and Barnardo’s The Great British Tech Appeal, which collects unused smartphones and tablets for disadvantaged families, children and charity workers. Amazingly, there are approximately 40m unused mobile devices in homes across the UK, so now is the time to put that old phone you haven’t touched for years to better use.

Take the stress out of giving your child their first phone by choosing an unlimited data plan, so that you can always keep connected and they always have access to vital apps such Maps.

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