What to do when secondary school is just a summer away

"I feel very apprehensive and very scared," says Lynley Oram from south London.

Lynley is discussing the transition from primary to secondary school that looms at the end of summer. But it’s not her who is going to be strapping on her rucksack and catching the bus every day come September. It’s her son, Leo.

“I have to hide my worry from Leo,” Lynley says. “I try to project calmness and confidence in his ability, but he’s still my baby.”

Lynley’s worry is common among parents whose children are about to make the step up to “Bigger School”, and only goes to show how nerve-racking the experience can be for the kids themselves. 

They face many changes at secondary level: a longer day, more homework, a different teacher for every subject, hundreds of other pupils on the same grounds. And, of course, there’s the shock of no longer being the eldest in the playground.

Over one six-week summer, kids morph from being the big fish in the small pond to the small fish in the ocean. No wonder Mum and Dad feel a touch of anxiety.

Shaun Fenton, head teacher at Reigate Grammar, says Lynley is right to try to hide her anxiety from her son, as Leo will pick up on it and worry more.

He emphasises the huge amount of effort schools put into making the transition as smooth as possible. Parents can help by playing their part.

“Talk up the school with your child, even if it wasn’t your first choice. Don’t talk about the appeal process or place you didn’t win. Discuss what interests an 11-year-old: the new sports they can play, not academic results.”

According to educational psychologist Teresa Bliss, children’s fears over secondary school often focus on logistical things, such as “finding their way around the school and remembering everything”.

Inevitably, making friends is a factor. So, how do you ease the transition for your child – and yourself?

Build confidence before term starts

Help your child to hit the ground running by boosting their confidence. “Focus on what they have achieved and praise them,” says Bliss. “Tell your child you will love them no matter what happens.” Part of this is having a fun, relaxed summer with your (not so) little one.

“Do whatever they enjoy,” says Bliss. “Cook together, go to museums, play sport, anything instead of them being immersed in screen time all summer, isolated from everyone.”

Buy the uniform early. “Let them try it on, feel comfortable in it and show it to friends and family,” says Fenton.

Think carefully about tuition

Are the summer holidays a good time for extra work? It depends. Lessons with a tutor may iron out minor problems in English or maths, but the experts recommend you keep your expectations realistic. Your child has just sat exams. They need to enjoy the holidays and not think too much about their performance at school.

Ultimately, says Dr Sharie Coombes, educational consultant and psychotherapist, “schools are geared up to assess children in the first term and provide support”.

Calibrate routines

With longer days in the near future, you can use the summer to ease your child into a new routine. Head teachers emphasise the importance of sleep. With a week or two to go until the start of term, ensure your child gets up around the time they’ll need to for school, so it’s not such a huge shock.

Bernard Trafford, headmaster of the Royal Grammar School, Newcastle, recommends parents “turn off screens an hour before bedtime because they reduce the body’s production of melatonin”.

Now is also a good time to put their minds at ease about practical things. Do a trial run of the journey. Talk to your child about “what if”: they miss their bus or train, lose money, or feel ill at school. Help them to get organised. Their timetable should be stuck where everyone can see it – the fridge door is a popular suggestion.

Stay social

Friendships are possibly your child’s biggest worry. Even if they have been out all summer with friends, try to resist the temptation to keep them all to yourself in the days before term. This is the prime time for them to meet up with buddies who are about to make the same transition.

Fenton says you can also help your child during the first few days of school. “Your child may be shy about asking a new friend round for tea, but as their parent you can suggest it to the other child’s parent. This takes away the pressure.”

Encourage good time management

The first few weeks can be tiring. Help your child to structure their evening with an established routine: homework, meal, relax, sleep. Many teachers advise that homework is done in the kitchen or dining room where parents can supervise and monitor screen time.

Encourage your child to take responsibility for packing their bags and sports kits the night before, rather than rushing around in the morning.

When to communicate with school

“Schools would rather know about concerns immediately rather than four weeks later,” says Fenton. Whatever is worrying you or your child, let their teachers know.

Form tutors are your first port of call, then heads of year or pastoral staff. “The best thing a parent can offer their child is a big pair of ears to listen,” says Steve McGeough, a coach with Fluent Coaching.

“Knowing there is someone at home who cares for them is a wonderfully reassuring thing for a child to have.”

This article was originally published in June 2016.