Yahoo News Tommy Dorfman on Gender-Affirming Care, Making Queer Art, and Creating Community
For some people, it comes from the inside: meditation; prayer; mantras of acceptance and empowerment; hormone replacement therapy. Others start on the outside: armoring themselves with a contour brush, biker boots, a navy blue hanky in the back pocket signaling they’re a bottom. No matter the avenue, the practice of affirmation—for ourselves and for others in the LBGTQ+ community—is a necessity, especially in a world where our existence and self-expression is too often violently and systemically oppressed. We are still reeling from the death of Nex Benedict, a 16-year-old nonbinary student in a small Oklahoma town outside Tulsa who died after a fight in a school bathroom.
As a kid in the early aughts, I first found affirmation through fashion and dance, hobbies that opened the doors to safe (or at least safer) communities of queer or accepting individuals in Atlanta, where I grew up. I would strut down the hallways of my elementary school in short Soffe shorts, Limited Too tank tops, off-brand Dr. Martens platforms, and lip gloss I procured from the Hello Kitty pop-up shop at Perimeter Mall. In those years, I wasn’t particularly phased by people thinking I was strange, though they occasionally showed their fears through punches, spit, or the tired and piercing use of the f-word. The hits stung, but I always pushed through. That is, until puberty.
The ability to find affirmation through self-expression dwindled away when the testosterone planted semi-permanent seeds in my body. Come middle school, the stereotypical demands of the patriarchy and assigned gender roles seeped into my psyche, as we were often split into boy and girl binaries for the ease of cis-het adults. Suddenly, my natural, God-given femininity was diluted, becoming a distant memory. My substitute for “affirmation” and “confidence” came through drugs and alcohol.
Fast-forward to when I got sober at 21 (I’ll spare you the drunkalogue), I was painstakingly, and quite blandly, focused on surviving. But those days somehow turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, and around my first sober birthday, surrounded by friends blasting “We Can’t Stop”—the Miley Cyrus Bangerz anthem—I saw myself buoyed by a new kind of community: queer folks and allies who were focused on finding safety, connection, and self-assurance from the inside out. They were comfortable in their skin and wore what they wanted; they were completely free. It dawned on me that I could—if I chose to, if I stayed sober and accountable—be like that, too.
Now, in 2024, affirmation comes through my collaborations with other artists, helping people thrive in their niche, offering direction, encouragement, and solutions. I’m doing it with my debut feature, I Wish You All the Best, which premieres at SXSW today; with Club Curran, a digital platform I founded for LGBTQ+ writers, poets, and multidisciplinary artists; and by photographing the powerful and prolific model Memphy for this special package, which I’m grateful to contribute to and guest edit.
The stories, conversations, and imagery you’ll find below highlight some of the brightest queer artists of today; they discuss, in their own words, how they find affirmation, whether through burlesque or fashion or video games or hormone replacement therapy. Read an investigative feature about the rise of gender refugees escaping American states that have become increasingly hostile for the transgender community. Laugh along with ALOK, the comedian using stand-up to confront the gender binary. Plus, a practical guide to obtaining gender-affirming medical care no matter where you live—even as state legislatures continue to launch dangerous attacks on this necessary health care. All stories for Affirmed were done with support from GLAAD, and all commissioned illustrations were created by Anshika Khullar, an Indian, nonbinary transgender illustrator whose work perfectly captures the essence of the series: This issue of gender-affirming care affects us all—and we can all be a part of the road that lies ahead.
Tommy Dorfman and Memphy Take Over the ELLE Office
Nora’s Story: Why One Midwest Family Was Forced to Flee
Jake DuPree and the Beauty of Burlesque
Your Guide to Accessing Gender-Affirming Care
Dua Saleh and Liv Hewson on Being Nonbinary in Hollywood
How Video Games Helped Twitch Influencer Stef Sanjati Come to Terms With Being Trans
ALOK on the Power of Queer Comedy: ‘It’s the Only Way I’m Able to Survive’
ALOK on the Power of Queer Comedy: ‘It’s the Only Way I’m Able to Survive’
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