How can I get my whites white? Should I be doing my laundry at 40C? 60C? 90C?

How does one get one’s whites whiter? I’ve washed at 40C and 60C and even 90C, with and without the pre-wash. And no joy. I have a friend from St Helens who runs a B&B in North Carolina and she swears blind she achieves perfect whiteness with a cold wash. Cold! I’ll believe it when I see it.

I’ve long wondered what it must be like to be in charge of a white-kitted football club’s kit. I had to find out. I paid Swansea City a visit, at their training ground on a windswept corner of the Gower peninsula. The car park, as is standard at these places, resembled the Geneva Motor Show. But the players’ marvellous motors were of no interest to me; I only had eyes for the kit room.

Michael Eames, the Swans’ kit manager, has been doing the job man and boy – his predecessor in the role was his mum. Michael and his assistant, Shaun Baggridge, seemed slightly alarmed at my level of interest but patiently explained that the secret to whiter whites is that there is no secret. Hard work and persistence pay off. They can’t even wash them at 60C lest the sponsors’ names start peeling off. So 40C it is.

All they have is a big machine, some detergent and two spray bottles at a sink nearby. One bottle contains a well-known stain remover, the other bleach. Mud, grass and blood stains are all a nightmare. “It all goes in there,” he said, pointing to the machine. “And then over there,” he said solemnly, pointing at the sink and the bottles. “And then back in the machine, and then the sink again, and the machine and so on until it’s white again.”

Impressive stuff. Forty-odd years ago Coventry City famously sported a brown away kit. “Even to this day,” boasts the club’s website, “it is still voted among the worst strips of all time.” But by God, I bet they loved it in the laundry.

• Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster, writer and Guardian columnist