Oh Pizza Express, how I miss you. Oh, Nando's, how I adore you. Zizzi, McDonald's, Pret, Pizza Hut, the list goes on, because oh my god, I am SO fed up of cooking. This particular HELLO! writer is 16-days in to self-isolation and the enthusiasm for cooking went out of the window by, ooh, day four. You know the famous meme that says you know you're old when you have a favourite ring on the hob, well, I used to have a favourite (back left), but now they all annoy me. I used to love staying home and cooking a delightful meal from scratch, pretending like I was on Ready Steady Cook, giving an extra sprinkle of pepper into my pan like I was the female version of Salt Bae, but not anymore.
Because I'm so bored of making food, I've decided to dream up all the celebrity chefs I wish I were self-isolating with. Don't get me wrong, I have no romantic feelings for John Tarode (Lisa, he's all yours), but I wouldn't say no to be cooped up with the Masterchef star for 24hrs a day if it meant he slaved over the cooker instead of me. Actually, Lisa can cook as well, so that would be a double win. Equally, I'm happy if it needs to be Greg. Anyone. Just as long as it's not me.
Here's my official top 10 celebrity chefs I'd like to live with…
1. Mary Berry
Mainly because I love cake and I have no clue how to bake. I feel like Mary Berry would be a dream to live with because a) there would be a sweet treat every day, b) she's lovely and caring so she'd put any coronavirus-related anxieties to rest, and c) she always had a great jacket collection so we could swap clothes and I'm starting to get bored of mine. What's more, she'd have lots of Bake Off gossip, and she's hung out with the royals so there's hours of entertainment to be had.
2. Jamie Oliver
Ok, he comes with far too many little children for my liking, but I could watch Jamie Oliver cook all day long. I like the cheeky chappy personality and you just know the meals would be pukka! Does he still say pukka? I don't think he does… I would get him to make me all my favourite foods and he likes a little spice so I'd be well up for anything he cooks.
3. Tom Kerridge
I could definitely live with TV chef Tom Kerridge. He'd actually be perfect because he knows good food, but he also knows how to make it delicious without all the calories. Granted, I love a carb-heavy meal as much as the next person, but I don't want to be coming out of quarantine three dress sizes bigger, y'know what I mean?
4. Nigella Lawson
I feel like Queen Nigella might be my top choice to be honest. I feel like she would have some amazing stories to share as she cooks me something delightful in her kitchen. We'd obviously be at hers - her home is way nicer. Plus, she's a fan of a midnight calorific snack and so am I! Would also ask her for her top seductress tips as well - we all know the prowess of Ms. Lawson.
5. Gordon Ramsay
Gordon Ramsay might get a little too sweary in the kitchen for my liking (god, I bet he's a nightmare when he sets the smoke alarm off by accident) but we all know he's a don in the kitchen and he's getting pretty good at TikTok so that would also up the entertainment value. Oh, and when Posh and Becks call for a chat, I'd totally listen in…
6. Gino D'Acampo
I would love to live with Gino, mainly to find out if his accent is 100% real and to get all the gossip about his showbiz mates. Also, I've dined at one of his restaurants and it was truly bellissimo so I'm confident he could make me a gorgeous dinner every single night (and lunch, and breakfast…).
7. Nigel Slater
I've watched his show, he can always be found having a rummage in his fridge or his garden and then casually whips up a five-star dinner. And thanks to stockpiling, I really need a chef who thinks on his feet and can concoct a dinner out of super random ingredients - I feel like Nigel has what it takes.
8. Nadiya Hussein
Again, she's good at cakes but I also feel like she'd be a really nice person to hang out with and she could calm my worries. Cake, a cuppa and a chat is obviously what I'm looking for.
9. Isaac Carew
He’s smoking hot, knows what he's doing in the kitchen and he's not just a pretty face. I hate to be predictable choosing a TV chef who's also a model but I'm thinking long-term here - this self-isolation chef could turn into the perfect life partner.
10. The Hairy Bikers
Sorry, no. Not unless they wear a hair net.
Follow Leanne on Instagram @leannebayley.