Yasmin Benoit: ‘People had a hard time believing that I could be Black and asexual and at Pride’

Yasmin Benoit was having a good Pride month. “Surreal” even. The asexual activist and Attitude Pride Award winner was invited to attend New York City Pride as a Grand Marshal in the parade.

“It was a huge honour,” she tells Attitude. As Grand Marshal, Yasmin was in the company of the likes of Billy Porter, providing LGBTQ+ representation on a platform she hadn’t imagined having.

“It was incredible to be out there and see the impact it had on the asexual people that came and saw and that felt included for the first time. It was very significant to be part of that moment.”

The parade took place on Sunday 25 June. Days later Yasmin was marching with Stonewall at Pride in London on 1 July. Carrying a large flag bearing the black, grey, white, and purple stripes of the asexuality community, Yasmin proudly brought her representation to the streets of London.

“There’ll be a debate about whether I should’ve been allowed to be there in the first place”

Marking the occasion she tweeted: “Asexual people deserve equal rights. We deserve legal recognition. We deserve protection. Thank you.” An apparently innocuous statement in support of her community and the rights they’re missing out on. The kind of statement you might think people would unanimously agree on.

Sadly, it’s 2023.

Yasmin’s post soon attracted thousands upon thousands of negative posts. Among the responses, pretty much all horrendous, vile, and obscene, were people questioning Yasmin’s sincerity, doubting that she was asexual at all. Others questioned what rights asexual people were missing out on while others took aim at Yasmin’s skin colour and/or her choice of outfit.

Not only were the responses overwhelmingly acephobic, but many incorporated racist, sexist, and even transphobic elements. Soon asexuality was trending on Twitter, which these days usually signals a pile-on such as this.

For Yasmin, who has spoken previously about the often critical response she’s faced for her work as an asexual activist from within and outside of the LGBTQ+ community, it didn’t come as much of a surprise, especially that the discourse took place online.

“I do think it’s important to give as good as you get”

“I’ll go there [Pride] and have a great time on the day, and then post about having a great time and then there’ll be a debate about whether I should’ve been allowed to be there in the first place.”

What was new this time was the sheer volume. “It was definitely more this year than it ever has been. It’s funny, Just Stop Oil protesters stuck themselves to the ground. But, somehow, I’m the controversial thing. All I did was march, hold the flag, and talk about equality. There were thousands of people that also did that. It was disappointing that it is still this much of a contentious thing for me to do something which is very simple. But at the same time, it’s quite symptomatic of what my experience has been for most of my life.”

It does reveal a double standard, even within the LGBTQ+ community, that people are happy to accept certain groups talking about visibility, but not others. Yasmin believes the majority of the haters in this instance were right-wing commentators who saw an opportunity to project their brand of hatred, which lamentably, is the way Twitter works now. Thanks, Elon.

These commentators, however, did not expect Yasmin to fight back. Screaming into the void is one thing, doing it to another person who responds, perhaps another. While many would opt to shut down their Twitter in the face of such torrential abuse, admirably Yasmin thinks it’s worth fighting back.

“People really had a hard time believing that I could be Black and asexual and at Pride and wearing a short skirt and talking about it”

“I do think it’s important to give as good as you get because they think that you’re some kind of wallflower, you’re going to be too scared to speak up for yourself, or that you’re not even an actual human and they can just say whatever they want.”

Yasmin also isn’t surprised by the targeting of her skin colour or the incorporation of sexist and gender-critical messaging. She estimates “99%” of those messaging her here were white, explaining the racialised aspect. Being Black “puts an additional target on my back,” she says.

“I know that’s why it got so out of hand. I had people going beyond Twitter to find ways to say racist things and send death threats and rape threats and say I should be in a gas chamber and things like that. So it was very specifically race related.”

She adds, “[People were] even questioning whether I’m actually black, or whether I just tanned myself this way for the drama. People really had a hard time believing that I could be Black and asexual and at Pride and wearing a short skirt and talking about it, which is not something that should be as provocative as it is.”

It’s hard to imagine something like this not taking a toll on the unfortunate recipient. While Yasmin talks of having a thick skin she also admits that it has had an impact. She says poking fun at it and pointing out the ridiculousness of it all helps. Yasmin also explains how grating it can be to have her experiences reduced and her intelligence questioned repeatedly. “You could answer the questions over and over again, and you realise no one actually cares.”

“We’ve seen what happens when people suddenly start noticing that you’re there, the reaction isn’t always good”

Yasmin did have people fighting her corner. Friends and neighbours spoke of their shock and stood in solidarity, as did people Yasmin marched with. Yasmin also heard from people watching this unfold who got in touch to thank her for her work, which only encourages Yasmin to keep up with the fight.

Just Like Us’ 2023 Positive Futures report mentioned that 18% of asexual young adults aged 18-25 said they “rarely” felt included and 9% said they “never” felt included. Anyone watching what happened to Yasmin would be understandably and tragically put off engaging or even coming out.

The 2021 Census found that people aged 16 to 24 years were also the most likely to have identified as asexual, as well as pansexual, queer, or by any other sexual orientation. The government’s National LGBT Survey estimated that between 0.44-1 percent (295,768 to 672,200) of the UK population identifies as asexual. It also found that asexual people have one of the lowest life satisfaction scores (5.9 out of 10) and 89 percent have avoided being open about their sexual orientation. Asexuality is listed as a hypoactive sexual desire disorder and UK law still doesn’t recognise it as a sexual orientation. Asexual people are also 10 percent more likely to be offered or to undergo ‘conversion therapy.’

Statistics such as these demonstrate the need for the work of charities like Just Like Us, as well as activists like Yasmin. Asexual representation in the media is also frustratingly low, it’s hard to think of any! The standout out is Heartstopper‘s Isaac Henderson, who we know will identify as an aromatic asexual (aro/Ace) in the imminent sophomore season. Heartstopper creator, Alice Oseman, also identifies as Aro/Ace.

“I think it’ll really, hopefully, get the ball rolling in terms of progressing that conversation”

Circling back to New York Pride, Yasmin says it was “one of the few times where I was like, ‘OK, I can feel it’,” referring to the pace of progress. “I literally feel and see progress right now, off the internet, in person, like a tangible thing.”

Sadly, the pace at which progress is happening for the asexual community is comparatively slow to other parts of the LGBTQ+ community. “Whereas asexuality is very much in a ‘What’s this new thing’ phase as though it hasn’t existed for a really long time,” says Yasmin.

Looking at the current situation with regard to trans rights in the UK, Yasmin is cautious about progress sticking. “We’ve seen what happens when people suddenly start noticing that you’re there, the reaction isn’t always good.”

Last year Yasmin and Stonewall set up the Stonewall x Yasmin Benoit Ace Project (supported in part by donations from the Attitude Magazine Foundation). It’s the first of its kind study into the everyday experiences of asexual people in the UK.

Offering an update on the report’s progress, Yasmin says she’s aiming to publish in October to coincide with Asexual Awareness Week. Not revealing much she teases “It’s got some pretty interesting findings,” adding, “I think it’ll really, hopefully, get the ball rolling in terms of progressing that conversation.”

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