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32 Of Alan's Most Outrageous And Funniest Lines In The Hangover

Hugh Scott

15 April 2024 at 9:00 pm

He's a one-man wolf pack and so much more.

You probably get this a lot. This isn't the real Caesar's Palace, is it?

You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So there were two of us in the wolf pack. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack.

Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system.

What about the tiger? What if he got out?

I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! Please! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.

I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... or a Chuck E. Cheese.

I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.

“Do you know if the hotel is pager friendly?”

Don't touch it. Don't even look at it. Go on, get out. You heard me. Don't look at me, either... I'll hit an old man in public.

Pants at a time like this? I don't have any...

Is there a payphone bank? Buncha payphones? Business.

The Doug we're looking for is a white.

But you don't know for sure? I have this cousin Marcus who saw one he said it blew his mind I want to make sure I never ever miss out on a Halley's comet.

It's where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a purse, it's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.

I want you to know, Doug, I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever speak a word of it. Seriously, I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone. You heard me. It's Sin City. I won't tell a soul.

How's my hair?

I think the cop car part's pretty cool.

And we're the three best friends that anyone could have!

Hey, you guys ready to let the dogs out?

Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.

Hey, there's skittles in there!

Oh you know what, next week's no good for me, the Jonas brothers are in town.

Okay, well, maybe we should tell that to Rain Man, because he practically bankrupt a casino.

I've found a baby before.

Drunk driving. Classic.

Yeah, I checked all the rooms… no one’s there. Check its collar or something.

Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, bin Laden.

No, he was skiing in Vermont, it was just during World War II.

Uh, if we're sharing beds, I'm bunking with Phil. You cool with that?

Easy. You just pour kerosene over a ferret, light it on both ends, put it in.

I don't think you should curse around the baby.

It says here we should work in teams. Who'll be my spotter?

He's a one-man wolf pack and so much more.

Zach Galifianakis' Alan Garner in The Hanger is easily one of the funniest characters of the 21st Century, and probably in all of cinema history. In a movie that is full of hilarious moments, no one comes close to matching the number of amazing lines that Alan has. There have been three movies in the Hangover franchise, but the first one is far and away the funniest, so here are all of our favorite lines from Alan in the original Hangover.

Warner Bros.

The best lines from Zach Galifianakis' amazing character, Alan, in The Hangover.

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