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32 Funny Barney Stinson Quotes From How I Met Your Mother

Jason Wiese

26 June 2024 at 4:00 pm

True stories.

“It's Gonna be Legen— Wait For It... Dary! Legendary!”

“Suit Up!”

“Challenge Accepted!”

“This Is Totally Going In My Blog!”

“Think Of Me Like Yoda, But Instead Of Being Little And Green, I Wear Suits And I'm Awesome. I'm Your Bro. I’m Broda!”

“One Of The 24 Similarities Between Girls And Fish Is That They’re Both Attracted To Shiny Objects”

“When I Get Sad, I Stop Being Sad And Be Awesome Instead. True Story”

“A Lie Is Just A Great Story That Someone Ruined With The Truth”

“The Killer In A Horror Movie Does Not Stand In Front Of The Camp Cabins With A Bullhorn And Shout, ‘Attention, Unguarded Teens! At 3:00, I Will Jump Out Of That Closet And Hack You To Death With A Machete. By The Way, My Only Weakness Is Fire'"

“Step One, You Start Running. There Is No Step Two”

“A Bro Never Cries. Exceptions: Watching Field Of Dreams, E.T., Or A Sports Legend Retire”

“You’re Forcing Me To Be The Voice Of Reason. And That’s Not A Good Look For Me!”

“God, It’s Me, Barney. What Up? I Know We Don’t Talk Much, But I Know A Lot Of Girls Call Out Your Name Because Of Me”

“You Don’t Bring A Date To A Wedding, That’s Like Bringing A Deer Carcass On A Hunting Trip”

“Without ‘Me,’ It’s Just ‘Aweso’”

“Don’t Say You’re Gonna Kill Someone In Front Of Airport Security. Not Cool!”

“In My Body, Where The Shame Gland Should Be, There Is A Second Awesome Gland”

“Oh, Ted, No. Do Not Tell Me You’re Going To Start Searching For ‘The One’ Again. The Only Time I Want To Hear You Saying ‘The One’ Is If It’s Followed By The Word ‘Hundredth’”

“There’s Only Three Things You’ll Ever See Me Fight: The Stubborn Clasp Of A Bra, Harassment Charges – Nine For Nine — And The Urge To Vomit When I See Someone Wear Brown Shoes With A Black Suit”

“A Girl Is Allowed To Be Crazy As Long As She Is Equally Hot”

“Ted, Bubala, If You Have A Crazy Story, I Was There. It’s Just A Law Of The Universe”

“There’s Only One Street Where That Is Normal. Here’s A Hint: A Big, Yellow Bird Lives On It”

“You Poor Thing. Having To Grow Up In Canada, With America Right There”

“Unfair? I Would Not Let You Take Care Of The Imaginary Kids I Make Up To Score With Single Moms!”

“Anytime A Bachelorette Party Drives Through The City In A Limo, Sticking Their Heads Out The Sunroof Shouting, ‘What’s Up, New York,’ WE Will Be What Is UP New York”

“Every Halloween, I Bring A Spare Costume, In Case I Strike Out With The Hottest Girl In The Party. That way, I Have A Second Chance To Make A First Impression”

“I Have One Rule…”

“You Can’t Ride The Tricycle Before Me. It’s Like Jimmy Olsen Beating Lex Luthor While Superman Watches Impotently In His Bed”

“You Can Grab Life By The Crack And Lick The Crap Out Of It”

“You Wanna Scoop Stuffing On Your First Day? Hello, NFL, Can I Be Quarterback Next Sunday?"

“Oh Yeah, You Just Know She Likes It Dirty!”

“Moist…”

True stories.

Kids, we know the show may, in essence, be the story of Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor) and his crusade for true love, but out of the entire How I Met Your Mother cast, few would disagree that the funniest member of the gang is Barney Stinson. Only an actor as charming and versatile as Emmy winner Neil Patrick Harris could make an irritatingly self-righteous and despicably perverse creep such a blast to watch. Thus, we had no issue accepting the challenge of compiling the most hilarious quips and philosophies we heard from the Barnacle on one of the best sitcoms of all time.

CBS

We accept the challenge of compiling How I Met Your Mother's best Barney Stinson quotes.

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